Jai Shri Hari.
Pranaam to Beloved Swami.
I finally got over my resistance to share my thoughts to my family here. Thank you to all those who helped me with my feelings all this long. I spent my day today reading and soaking in the beautiful posts by Abhishek Ji and Divya Pai Ji 😊 I may not have commented on all of them but here it is: Mera Dil Baag Baag Ho Gaya 💐💐💐
What triggered an unstoppable desire to pen down this post was a response to one of the questions by Mahamaya Ji where she asked if Swami knows when we call him. Resonated with me because मेरे पास काम ही क्या है स्वामी से दिन भर बतियाने के अलावा। I was naturally curious. While going through responses I have developed a hobby of identifying the author solely by reading responses and looking their names afterwards. I can identify Akshay Bhaiya and A’s responses very well. Digressing!
So, one of the responses just made me stop. The person shared that they forgot the guru mantra mid way next morning because they did not write it the day they received initiation and Guru Maharaj asked them to do one Mala everyday. Everything stopped for me!
My initiation request was rejected in December. हाय तौबा मचाई मैंने। धीरे धीरे मतलब। But I realised why it was rejected. Swami knew I could not have fulfilled this commitment of jaap everyday with the current situation I am going through personally. After the rejection mail, around 2 weeks later we as family have been battling lots of illnesses and other issues which would just be boredom for all of you to know about. Just heavy enough for all of us, to have lost our appetite and dragging our lives around. I literally have been hanging with ropes chanting Raam naam to get over with these times. I have faith in Swami. Unbreakable one. I have felt his Grace saving me many times. And I know He knows.
I cannot contain my joy that He has called us coming 12th. Also I want to share that it is Joy’s 36th Birthday on 13th this month and we hope to have His darshan and Grace then. Coincidence? I choose to believe it’s my Swami’s love for me.