I was that person who could never believe in the concept of Guru…that too in human form…..the closest i could believe in this tradition was of Sai baba…because somewhere i saw his mystical or magical ways in saving my mother’s life….

But my over practical mind could never accept this thing that some human form can be your guru and he can change your life forever. 

So much so that when my mother was looking for a guru , i used to make fun of her. In our culture one needs to have some sort of initiation by some guru before they marry off their kids…so when for my and my brother’s marriage, my mother took someone as Guru, i never liked that idea. I still made fun of these rituals. 

In 2006 i started reading books of swami rama, followed by Sri M, paramhansa, vivekanand and ramakrishna paramhansa…i liked these books and also believed them….was looking for that journey too..but never ever considered that any of them can be my guru….or worst i used to think i don’t need a guru only my Krishna will help me.

In 2014, he entered my life, uninvited,  on his own to change my life forever.  I didn’t look for him and there i was within 3 years  filling the initiation form…

In the initiation form a question was…have you ever had any initiation before or something like that…i replied…no never in my wildest dream i could think of having any guru in life…but something changed within me that day…here i am….who never believed in any Guru and now i am filling up a form to have initiation from a human guru.

Now it was turn of my mother to make fun of me😆.

My form got rejected….for very obvious reasons…i was not ready.

Since 2017 till now…so many things have changed for better,  though that didn’t appear like that on the surface .

I suffered,  collected myself back and was again on track..all these while i never bothered swami for anything…i never complained to him…never asked him for any thing…except his acceptance and guidance…

He being the kind hearted…never disappointed me.

And this morning in zoom meeting, here was my guru, just like us, or may be making us feel that we are like him…a part of him…

He expressed,  felt overwhelmed,  assured us that he is there for us, didn’t hesitate to express himself…and at last said those magical words…which every gopi would love to listen.  I love you😍

Did i cry today seeing him…yes…all those 30 minutes…did i miss him…yes from the deepest depth of my heart…i reciprocated my love to him in my silent teary pranams..

I am still wondering what did he do to someone who never belived in any guru…..now he is making me crave for his love and guidance as my Guru in all my lives…or best may he releases me from the cycle of birth and death.

Only last night i was thinking will swami judge me for my past actions…which may be morally or ethically wrong…and here he was this morning….saying he will never judge us…how carefully he listens to all of us….and guide us accordingly.

I can’t be grateful to nature for blessing me in abundance…because i lack nothing…i have him and today he , himself, assured me.

I love him and i am proud to say that he loves back unconditionally. 

Jai Sri Hari

 

 

 

 

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Shalini Pandey

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