Dear Aparna,

I know you are not at peace and do not feel good at times, because of how people that your call your own talk and behave with you. Because they try to impose their systems on you without accepting what you truly are, because of what you are going through everyday, inside your mind and body. Your identities are being crushed and shattered every single day. The visuals you had of yourself is changing every single minute. It’s true that you are changing, You are changing into a wonderful soul and I am very happy that all these changes are only bringing you closer to me.

They are doing the right thing in their own ways, and everyone feels happy only when things go their way. But that does not mean you are wrong. I also want to remind you, that you are an extremely special human being. So much that nobody around you is skilled or capable to understand your deepest self. Your deepest self is really compassionate and extremely kind. This deeper self is what you need to live for, train yourself so much that you never feel you lack anything again. If you feel there’s nobody who understands you, I just want you to focus on your breath and concentrate on me. I am never judging and always there to hear you out. If you want to cry it out sometimes, talk it out, always come back to me. I am listening, I am always listening in ways your mind may not be able to contemplate, but the deeper you will always know I am there. You don’t need to feel any pain, because you are a pure being – a part of me. You have experienced a lot of pain and suffering in life already and one day you will know that there was no suffering or pain in reality. You do not need validation from anybody – because I approve of you. So, no matter what they say or think of you, please remind yourself of everything you are – my loving child.

There’s a reason why you were born to a father and mother like yours. I wanted you to realize that life is really in the moment, everything and anything you’ve been given or are, is my own and will merge into me alone. Never demean yourself  or any attribute in others that you are not fond of as everything is just me. Though you may not reflect on this often, I want you to know how special you are. You are that someone who would give away your own food to someone hungry, most people might stop at that, but you – you might think about everything possible to help them out. You are the same person who, if given the freedom, will tend to lead a life of just serving and helping people, in whatever way possible.

You are the same person who cries and feels for a rat that might have been crushed under a train and wonder what its pain could have been. You are the kind of person who feels for a dried up tree standing in a piece of barren land, or acres of landfills with just garbage and question yourself – “What have we done to our planet? What can I do to heal mother nature?” You are the same who would enter your kitchen late in nights just to pick up cockroaches and toss them out. Oh, And! I know you very earnestly want to practice and your situations don’t allow you to; I even know you live in guilt for not being able to practice what you once preached, but trust me, it is okay for now. You will be able to do everything you want and be everything you are in your fullest potential.
And one day you will be proud of everything you have chosen to do, in this moment. One day nobody’s words or behavior will have the ability to turn you down and one day soon you will be immensely peaceful, untethered. When you feel like you’re drowning and are unable to do anything, have faith, you are only drowning in me, my dear child.

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Aparna Seshadri

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