In my childhood I had done rituals including japa and pooja because that’s what I was told to do by my mother. But it wasn’t inspired from within, nor I had any proper understanding of doing japa with bhava and concentration so I didn’t have any great result.

If I recall correctly, once I had completed 90+ malas of Gayatri mantra in a matter of minutes or an hour or two and went outside to boast about it to my elder sister sitting on a Charpai under the sun. Though as it turned out she was some other girl from a neighboring house :). (In case you don’t know already, I have visual impairment since birth, and the sight has declined over the years).

both me and my sister, who has also similar eye problem from birth, were supposed to do these japa etc. as per my mother’s instructions (and later as per what we would decide together or individually). Sometimes people would tell to my Mom some practice that may help in restoring the sight, and she made us do that. Nothing really worked ever though.

A vision of Lord Rama

Ever since I recall, I had this liking toward Bhagavan Vishnu and, his avatar of Lord Rama was my favorite in childhood.

Once I had an inspiration or something, to do a certain practice for 10 days and I’ll get a vision of the deity. Actually, I don’t have a great memory of that inspiration, so just think that it was about getting a vision. I don’t even recall what practice I was supposed to do but I think it’d likely be some mantra japa or something.

Nevertheless, I do clearly recall that the vision indeed happened. I don’t remember the exact day, likely between 8th and the 10th night of the practice. Once in a dream, I found myself outside the pooja room and there was a monkey who didn’t let me go inside the room. A figure of a few feet in height with a crown on the head was standing on the Charpai inside the room and I just bowed down on the ground at the room entry.

My visual impairment ensured that I didn’t have the clear sight of the vision

Night practices

Once during my teens, my sister asked me to join her in doing japa at night without revealing to anyone at home. She said that it’s for the welfare of our family so I happily joined her. We used to quietly leave for the terrace when my brother and parents were fast asleep.

In the moonlit night around midnight, we would spread a Chatai (plastic mat) and did our japa quietly, for an hour and then quietly come down to sleep without making others aware in most cases. We used to do it for about 10 days every summer for a few years. The start date was something my sister would tell. During one such sadhana, my brother also ended up joining us on his own.

It was a sheer joy and fun for me – escaping quietly and doing japa under the moon – watching moon in between japa was a blissful experience.

Breakup with God

Gradually, as I entered into youth, with education and my material pursuits, my spiritual practices were reduced, to the point of not even doing pooja during my days at college and early years of profession.

I also remember engaging in argument once with my boss regarding existence of God, when he was describing some experiences of his family related to ghosts/souls/etc.

Clearly, my relationship with the lord was at the point of breakup. But I don’t remember any particular reason of this low in relationship. It was more due to myself drowning in material pursuits and had no time for God.

in the hindsight, it was a better thing to happen: this distance freed me from the clutches of religion imposed during childhood, so that I may discover my true relationship with God, based on my inner calling and seeking.

When Sri Hari arrived in Sri Badrika Ashram in April 2014, he definitely called out for this lost child of his.

To be continued in the next entry.

Sriman Narayan


This post was inspired by this question. Though I’ve mentioned in the answer that I’d share my spiritual experiences of meditation etc., I ended up starting with my childhood practices as inspired by the Lord.

Incidents/events/etc. in this post have been Described from my memory which certainly has faults when it comes to my childhood. For factual and other mistakes, I seek forgiveness of the divine.

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