No one is coming to save you. 

There, I said it.  

I don’t know how you feel about the above statement. It surely is not reassuring. Alas it’s true.

Personally, when I first made this catastrophic realization many years ago in the middle of a depression period I felt like an ant stuck underneath a rock. What do you mean no one is on its way to get me? I was not happy. Because I was under the most definitely wrong impression that at some point in the darkest moment someone or something was going to magically appear and make it all better.

Guess what? It never happened. Of course not. Where would be the fun of living, then? I don’t know how I could have gotten this idea. Granted I’ve always lived in my own magic world, so much so that my family would call it, “il fantastico mondo di Elena” ( the fantastic world of Elena), kind of like the world of Alice in Wonderland, I’m sure you have heard of her.

Anyway, this person, this one thing that was going to save me, and free of charge of course because why would I be paying for something that was somehow owed to me? never arrived. I was desperate, like a sailboat lost in the ocean of uncertainties with no wind in sight.

I am older now and I can (almost) painlessly bring my memory back to these thoughts with more awareness. Although, to be honest I’m sashaying into memory lane exclusively for the purpose of this blog. One of my teachers once told me, “Learn from the past, to prepare for the future, while living in the present” which is what I have been doing most days than not. Stay focused, Elena. This moment, this minute, this thing, this breath. Right here.

So, I’m asking “which part of me needed to be saved, freed, as if abandoned in some deserted land”? Certainly not the soul because it’s always safe, at peace, and doesn’t need to be rescued. So it’s the self, with the lower s that needs liberating, like a hummingbird locked in a cage hanging from the ceiling. 

So, how do you rescue yourself?

Close your eyes and go inward. Visualize a spot in the chest area. Right now. Do it. Do you feel the slowing down? Like a train conductor pressing gently on the breaks, the next station approaching. This is the first step in realizing that you are up to you. You have the power within you to make it all stop or to go down the rabbit hole with Alice (of Wonderland). How much you want to suffer depends on you. How much you want to laugh depends on you. How much faith you want to bring into your life is up to you.

I started going into my heart when I needed to escape the reality I was in. It felt like chocolate melting in my mouth. It was my focal point, my sanity, my go to place to find calm, love, and answers. To rescue me from the movies my head was creating to make me suffer, to push me down the slippery slope of desperation. And it was slippery all right! Like skating on an iced lake without knowing how to glide.

I still go there for guidance, for support and because it feels like home, although there is much less need to escape these days. It’s more like an unfolding, a desire to see what’s there. I don’t feel pressured to save myself anymore (from what, after all?) My relationship with mySelf keeps me grounded, it feels like a hug, a cosy space to go and rest. Like a favorite pillow, worn from the many nights you slept on it. I know the answers are there, and when I need to know them they unravel, waiting for me like a solved puzzle. 

When you find yourself lost, follow the dance between the expansion  and contraction of the breathing. Become one with the ebb and flow, the rhythm of life. Creation, sustenance, and destruction. Be one with God. Or as the great India poet Mirabai writes, “… become as free as God.”

Day after day the rituals, simple yet full of power and love bring me closer to who I truly am, a child of God. Just like you. I long for this closeness, like a a savior who came to rescue me from murky waters, a lost lover. I savor this union. Like a garland of fresh flowers around the heart. There is never a day my devotion doesn’t make me feel supported like on a hammock, above the earth, yet in it. Lifted, yet hugged.

How can anyone live without this union, without devotion? Where are the answers to be found if not in God?  This is how you rescue yourself from the ups and downs of the human incarnation. 

Thanks for reading❤️

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