Mahamaya of 2022 has transformed into a much better version of herself. A version that makes her respect herself. Previously whenever someone would berate me, speak ill about me or torture me with whichever ways they deemed it fit, I would profusely cry and sometimes retaliate with words after enduring it for some time. As is anybody’s guess, it would not help things become better. Are things becoming better? The answer is no. But my approach towards others has indeed undergone a deep change. It is as if a metamorphosis has taken place.
I am yet to publish my first post. I had written it sometime back but did not publish it since it contained some aspects which I’d like to tell Gurudev personally first – it is mostly on expressing my gratitude to the Master. It includes how Gurudev has helped me transform.
My place of work and my place of birth are not the same. The phrase ‘place of birth’ is deliberate. I do not view it as home sweet home. Simply put, I do not have very good memories of staying at my place of birth. Presently, due to the 3rd wave that has just begun a few weeks back, I came down to stay with my folks. I reached a week back. There are pros and cons of living in solitude i.e. my place of work. The city where I work gives me peace, a sense of calmness and some amount of tranquility. There are pit falls too for instance, I do not have anyone to depend on. I am mostly on my own. If God forbids, I die suddenly – it will take some time for someone to get to know about it and you get the gist. I have struggled a lot in my life, and I can see how it has shaped me as a person. A huge part of what I have become is all credits to my struggles and the pain that I have endured. I have received reasonable amount of success after those struggles too.
Coming back to the metamorphosis that I was speaking about. I will speak about one change today. The change that I wished to highlight is that I have become considerably less reactive to almost non-reactive. After reading through Gurudev’s writings on this website, watching his videos and reading his books, a lot of things have changed. I got a big tight slap on my face last year for only being a good person. It hurt me a whole lot. When someone is a good human being and then gets punished for being a good person, the usual result is that the person stops or reduces the tendency to become a good person. However, I did not stop being one. I practice even more kindness and compassion however I have learnt other tips in life as well. One being the importance of having healthy boundaries. My boundary walls are very tall and thick now.
Today, one of my family members behaved extremely rudely with me. I did not say a word. I did not object. I did not retaliate. I prayed to Shri Hari and Mother Divine but could not control a drop or two of tears which streamed down my face. I want to forgive everyone who has hurt me and move ahead.
All credit goes to Gurudev. If I would not have faced the big tight slap of last year, I probably would have continued doing my daily religious rituals but not transformed spiritually. Today this Mahamaya is truly spiritual and not merely religious.
I felt deep pain today. However, I learnt to control myself and even after repeated misbehaviour throughout the day, I did not speak a word. Just kept quiet. A sense of silence enveloped me. I have read quite a few spiritual books and blogs but could not believe that somebody’s writings could change someone so deeply. Thank you Gurudev for being you! Thank you for the life lessons. Please do not leave me. I promise to be a good student for life.
P.S. Just when I sat down and switched on my laptop to resume work for the day (of course after feeling low for some time), I saw a comment from Meera ji offering to let me borrow one of the books that I have been wanting to read. I was planning to purchase it yesterday from Amazon but she offered to let me borrow it (on her own) and without me asking for it. Guess what? It is premised on the Divine Mother. Whenever there is pain which envelopes you, be a good person and keep taking small baby steps ahead – know in your heart that you are inching towards the Divine. Needless to mention, merging with the Divine or for that matter merging with Universal Consciousness is our ultimate aim.
P.P.S. I must thank each one of you for being who you are. All of you who I have had the opportunity to interact virtually give me immense amount of joy. I prostrate to the divinity in each one of you. This website and platform is indeed my happy place. I hope it remains so!
Love & Gratitude always,