I have just finished reading OM SWAMI’S book – The Ancient Science of MANTRAS, Wisdom of the Sages when I came across OS.Me. It’s all too much, too detailed, to tough for me and I want to cry. But it’s so beautiful, so detailed and clear that I want to cry more, coz for the first time in a long time I felt true divine connection is possible. This book in a way was the answer to the desperate questions I had after my diagnosis(early testing saves lives), the consequent operation and continued side effects from the operation until now. I was so strong and fit physically but mentally and emotionally I was a mess. I know that now. I can see that now.
I was and still am searching, you see for something to hold on to. Something to chant that could help me focus or maybe it was a desperate attempt to hold on to faith and stay connected with the source. I knew I must have my soul’s mantra. Don’t we all? There must be a chant that’s for me, I thought. I fidgeted on and off exactly like the humours anecdote of the sinking boat and its occupants in the book. I jumped from HIM TO HER TO HIM, but couldn’t for the life of me choose one. I wondered what happened to my ardent faith on Lord Shiva who even helped me finish my 3day kora at Mt Kailasa in August 2018. The op was in July 2019. Even though I woke up one day chanting Om Aim Hreem Chamundaye Vicche and Amme Narayana on another and even though I truly felt something whist I chanted the Gayatri as a teen. This is not a review but I am so grateful I saw the book and got the only copy, coz I was indeed chanting Om Namah Shivay all wrong with a ya and now I understand what all the hand mudras and gestures mean that I saw as a child whilst sitting for the homa! I don’t think Mantra Yoga is for me, who knows it maybe in the future? but I definitely think I can commit to sincere expression and recital of a chosen mantra in my current situation with all humility, love, hope and desperation; Coz as of this moment I am still very much alive, post operation complications or no and this is an incredibe blessing, no?