Why do we get Hurt?
I recently asked myself this question after repeatedly being troubled by this emotion.
I remember Swami ji saying in this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghfnN96MvrQ) – One should ask, what is inside me that is getting hurt? (It was anger in the video, but I am also applying it here.)
For me, it’s mostly Ego and Attachment.
I get hurt when someone close to me often says something that does not go well with me. My usual thing after that is becoming aloof, sad face and not talking to that person. Anger or irritation arises at certain times.
As I deeply contemplate this behavior, it is becoming clear that I was the same in my childhood. But now, I can rewire my brain and overcome this emotion.
So is it okay to get hurt?
Maybe Yes, for a while (like a fleeting emotion). We are all human end of the day. But holding it for a longer time is certainly not a good idea, leading to differences in relationships.
And what’s the solution?
For me, Communication works well. I feel relieved if I can communicate my feelings to someone who hurt me (unintentionally or intentionally). However, I must gather a lot of strength (drop my ego) to communicate effectively (not aggressively). It helps understand each other’s viewpoint and gives a fresh perspective on the whole matter. Sometimes, I must let go or forgive the other person, as Communication might not help. As per circumstances and people involved, one can choose the suitable approach.
As I was trying to read more about it, I came across this post by Swami ji (https://os.me/what-to-do-when-someone-hurts-you/), wherein a couple of solutions are there-
- Cultivate Compassion inside you. It will help in letting go and forgiving easily. (Random Acts of Kindness)
- Shift your attention elsewhere. To something joyous and live in the present. (Regular Meditation can also help a great deal)
- Speak the truth- gently and compassionately. (Communicate)
- Love life and be grateful (Practice Gratitude)
- Accept different colors of life and keep marching ahead. (Acceptance)
A few months back, a small argument happened with my wife as she said something about my father, which did not go well with me. Naturally, I got hurt. After a few days, I read Swamiji’s new post – https://os.me/mango-speech/. And it gave me a whole new perspective, i.e., To check the intention behind the other person whose words have hurt me.
It made me realize that my wife’s feelings got hurt in the first place, and therefore, she said the same. It was an eye-opener for me. I could understand her intention in saying those words, and automatically my feelings of hurt and anger went down the drain. I could forgive her instantly. It’s like I conquered that emotion finally.
But I am sure life isn’t that easy, and it will throw up a bigger challenge next time to test my emotions; I say – Bring it on. 🙂
Swami ji’s teachings are there to help me.
Here’s a beautiful Shabad I listened to this morning, and I’d like to share it with all of you – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM7By85HN4s.
I hope you rejoice in it.
Jai Sri Hari!
All glories to Swami Ji!