I had not planned to write this but today I feel an urge to express it. Last two weeks, I suffered from a lot of anxiety culminating to frequent anxiety attacks. Sometimes there can be so many reasons for this, while sometimes it arrives uninvited. But one of the reasons of my heightened anxiety was a cascade of local bad news (deaths due to Covid 19) that kept triggering me. And the second reason for my anxiety is social media.
I have used ‘is’ here because it still prevails. I haven’t yet recovered from my social media addiction. I realised I belong to that part of the population who simply misuses social media more than using it productively. If I exclude my college work stuffs and keep a track of my daily life activities, I realise that all I keep doing the whole day is S C R O L L .
A time came when my addiction started controlling my mind and I started freaking out without my smart phone. This started giving me more anxiety and triggered me to an extent that I got those attacks. Firstly, I was not able to handle myself. No meditation no sadhana worked and my mind was in a state of complete chaos. I had stopped writing poems too due to which there was no way I could vent out the chaotic energies brimming in my head. In simple words, my mind went to a self-sabotage mode.
But inspite of all this, the only thing my heart still kept holding onto was Maa. But then, my mind was so full of ripples that I could not even feel Her divine presence and love. I used to go to my prayer room and look at Her photograph, and used to express everything I had in mind. I told Her how I didn’t feel anything for Her anymore and how I was sitting so mechanically (out of habit) infront of Her image, venting out my frustrations. And like always, She kept listening to me quietly with that same unworldly smile.
Later I realised that holding onto Maa was the best thing I had done despite all my chaos. Writing seemed miles away from me. But my mind desparately wanted to do something creative in order to vent out all the negative energies and thoughts breeding in my mind. It is during this time that I made up my mind and started C O O K I N G. Being a pampered child of my parents, I had never cooked my whole life. But for the first time, I took out time from my schedule and felt an urgency to learn this new art.
Somehow I had underestimated this beautiful art throughout my life, which is why its beauty remained undiscovered and hidden for so long. For the first time I realised how therapeutic cooking can be. It really helped me channelize my negative energies and proved to be a great stress-buster.
But instead of basics, I started with the dishes I am extremely fond of. My mother helped me optimising the masalas and salt quantities and my sister and father kept encouraging me with their kind feedbacks and appreciations. My parents have always supported and encouraged me in all areas of life. Today I realise how these little trinkets of encouragement and support from family members can be so uplifting. It doesn’t matter how big or small the step we take is.
And the positive side of all my anxiety is that it pushed me to learn a new art which I think I would never have learnt if I was not triggered enough. In this huge river called LIFE, there are so many boats of experiences rowing throughout in all directions. I thought to share one of my little boats of experience with all the beautiful souls of this community.
I am sharing some of the pictures of the dishes I have tried so far. For some, I forgot to take pictures and the remaining I am sharing here. I hope you all will like it.
P. S. – My mother has contributed highly in some of the dishes. I am yet to learn so many things.
Veg Fried Rice
Indian style Pasta
Samosa with imli chutney