- General Purpose Morning Prayer for All
The night has ceased, the day begun, the world still turns.
O Immaculate one who watches over our Day-to-Day Activities,
May this day be smooth as silk.
May there be running water in the taps.
May the toast at breakfast be crisp.
May the bus arrive on time.
If not, let the boss have a flat tyre on the way.
May the work be of fair quantity.
May there be equal division of labour among all.
May the tea-break create bonds of friendship.
May someone get paneer for lunch,
My sabzee sucks.
May I reach the station in time.
May the train be fast.
And empty, like it is on weekends.
May I get a good window-seat,
I love the wind in my hair.
May I reach the bar in time for Happy Hour.
May the bartender be in a generous mood.
May the children return safely from school
With light and easy home-work.
Calculus gives me sleepless nights.
May the dinner be healthy and hot.
May (name of spouse here e.g. Sunita, Jagdish, etc) stumble upon an interesting recipe on Khana Khazana,
May (name of spouse here e.g. Monty, Pinky, etc) not be too tired,
And also have the time to make bhajiyas.
No palak tonight, please.
Give us health, wealth and happiness today.
May the news not be too bad on TV.
May we slip into sleep blissfully
To the gentle reassuring voice of Amitabh Bachchan on KBC.
2. Prayer for Uplifting Morning Newspapers
O Compassionate One, O Generous One,
Yours is the DNA, yours is the Times,
You are the creator of all headlines.
And so I plead to you on bended knees,
I pray, beseech, and knock on wood,
To listen to me closely,
For I think you may have misunderstood
When I last requested you to go easy on the bad news
about the various ways in which we are getting chewed.
All I meant was instead of a scam a day,
Ghotalas, murders, tsunamis, and earthquakes,
Give us something light occasionally, don’t put us to test,
But I don’t really want the latest on beauty contests.
I mean all those girls are hot,
(You are the Heat itself.)
And abundant, their abundance spills out of their swimsuits,
(You are Abundance itself.)
But what I meant was uplifting
(No pun intended.)
Forgive me if I appear ungrateful,
Review my prayer and give us the occasional headline to warm our hearts.
Those girls you could easily relegate to other parts
Of the Sunday magazine section.
3. Prayer for protection from fake news
O creator of Maya,
There never was a time when there was no fake news.
It was then in the hands of a few,
But now the creations of Maya
Have become creators of Maya.
(You shouldn’t have made us in your own image.)
All men and women are now fit
To create bullshit.
From their fingertips.
Fly like birds
And turn into words
And murders and riots
And fires and flames.
Nothing will remain.
O Master Illusionist,
I beg you, listen to me,
Will you please listen to me?
Put an end to this crap.
Listen to me.
Will you please stop checking your Whatsapp?