Yesterday, my friend, who I always call Toxic F (as he often uses the word toxic), got furious and said, “Why do you think you need anyone? You are sufficient enough and have everything in you to live a happy and successful life.”
He was angry as I was crying that someone said something (about me)… And he didn’t like this. I’d never seen him react in this manner and then after disconnecting the call, I recalled his words. I realised that I’ve always been in codependent relationships.
“Codependent” is one of those oft-used buzzwords that implies various levels of neediness in a relationship, or attachments tinged with a hint of desperation. But, actually, the term stems from something a little more specific to addiction and recovery.
Perhaps, I’ve been a people pleaser. After being abused in childhood, and playing a submissive role in a physically and mentally abusive marriage, I’d lost my self-esteem and always felt that I was not enough…
My friend said, why don’t you do something you like? You can write, why don’t you do that? I’ve been thinking of writing on os.me blog but never wrote because I was always doubtful about myself. Toxic F’s words actually made me realise that ‘I am enough’.