This man was a hurt angel. With clashes at home and nobody to understand him, he chose to stick to me with all hopes. He once wrapped my scarf around himself and went off for a long walk after facing some problem at his own house because when nobody understood him, he took solace in my scarf. He was so brave that he opened up completely to me and did his best to love me and never to lose me. He did everything that was within his reach to hold me close to him- all efforts, all talks, all plans were always initiated by him. He was a guy with clear intentions who even chose to meet my parents and not keep me deluded all the way. He supported me in whatever way he could. He did not have any other girl in option, so I was his go to buddy, as what he told me. He was a child who grew up in an abusive household and his hurt was hardly understood by college students who had healthy homes with them. With each deteorating day, he became suicidal but he would be cling to me in any way possible because for him, I was hope. Initially, I did not mind helping him by being with him and giving him many hours a day but eventually it became very difficult for me.
If two people are serious, love brings them to each other’s home and it depends on you who you would bring in and whom you won’t. This guy was loving, caring, romantic; But wait a minute, is that everything? Are emotions everything? I questioned myself- Am I ready to bring home a guy who will talk romantically to me one day and will hang around loosely with another girl the other day? And will I be able to accept him if he dares to come back to me saying that it was what the biology of a male is? Well, I don’t want such a man and since I am not married yet, I don’t need to put pressure on myself as I still have a plenty to choose from. (Sorry married people, this is the truth. You will have to deal with your own partner anyhow.😜)
Like I told you, this man was extremely erratic in his reactions due to his excess emotions. Something goes out of his expectations, and lo! A volcano erupts. Once, after a nasty fight between us two, he quickly downloaded a dating app and swiped a girl for himself. Yes, he did so and later apologized for it, and never approached that innocent girl ever but there is a thing- Will you bring a guy home who has a knee-jerk reaction like a stimulus without applying any brain? This man talks a lot about how a family should be healthy, how understanding should be there, speaks impeccable words on spirituality, but will I be able to accept this impulsive conduct of his?
He would sometimes be so down with his moody mind that he would drop even his responsibilities. Once I paid a vist to him and a few of his family members after traveling for two and a half hours in an entirely new area about which I had no idea previously. They welcomed me, he was happy and everyone was chirpy but at one point when he was not in the room, his aunt asked me whether I loved him alot. I was hesitant to answer as I was not sure how to respond to this question because mere emotions was not what I wanted my decision to be based upon and his actions were failing and criticizing me in almost everything, so, I told them that it was too soon to answer anything firmly. They understood my response as they too were aware of his destructive tendencies due to his hurtful home. Later, that evening, he offered to drop me off to the nearest auto for me to return back to my room. While walking down the road, I disclosed what had happened while he was not in the room. He had expected me to say with firmness that I loved him but things had not gone according to his wishes, and he felt so bad and so disheartened that he immediately turned around, bid me farewell and left me on the road all alone. Thankfully, it was a busy marketplace and I could find an auto-rickshaw for myself. Maybe he wouldn’t have done that had it been a very lonely place but at that moment, I thank God that I was not in some dark and appalling space that everyone dreads. Anyway, I came back to my room thinking, “Will I bring home a person who is so impulsive that he can drop me like a misplaced item just because of an excess emotion?” And a deep question pops up further- ain’t all emotions blind? Anyway, the next day, he apologized to me profusely and I forhave him too.
Dear young readers, I know most of you have some experience with love- either beautiful or struggling, but I would like you to question yourself- ‘Am I ready to bring this person to my home?‘ This question can solve many queries that you have. This man has a golden heart but is a victim of circumstances. After any rude thing he would throw at me, he apologized profusely with every bit of life in him. I forgive him every time but does that mean that I have to exhaust myself for somebody’s healing?
I know that I am young and I won’t be getting married anytime soon. Penning all this down helped me detangling the jumbled up mesh of emotions and events. I don’t have any hard feelings for him and I assert again that he is a wonderful guy and that life will be smooth for him. Many of you might be knowing about the YouTuber Ranveer Allahbadia; he too had messed up early twenties but is one of the most successful youtubers in India. None of that what is happening today will matter in the coming three years and life will present itself renewed again like a fresh breath that hits different. Even this series of Relationship Red Flags won’t matter either, which is no more than ranting, so after a few days or months, maybe, I will delete this series when I will feel like it. Lastly, I will conclude with something beautiful that Swamiji, my light, once said-
“Your conduct is your only true introduction.”