Some people eat to live and another part of population live to eeeeeeat! So as soon as they get up there mission is what all they will eat in breakfast. They fasting for a good 8 hours with Nidra Devi making there tongue, teeth and intestine laze around, after all. You might have guessed by now what category I fall into, and inside, your tummy must be on a self-analysis food mode.

Being an only child and that, too, of a hotelier father, has its advantages. Each evening, a menu from the hotel’s pastry shop used to come for my approval… It was choclate eclairs filled with cream topped with melting chocolates, strawberry tarts with cherry on the top, lemon and cheese cake with cotton soft texture or potato patties were a few of my inflated tummy’s frequent friends. I didn’t realise until very late though that we need to cook too to satiate those drooling-saliva cravings. So the first time, it was an evening of class 6 and 11 years of double digit age and India-Pakistan Sharjah match was going on when I entered the kitchen first time…

Dont worry there was no bhookamp but an appreciation from the TV mechanic for whom I had made tea. So my mum returned from her tour guide sight-showing duty with a box full of Russian chocolates that someone had gifted for the little child in her house.
The TV mechanic met her half-way on the stairs and said, ” Apka bachaa chai bohot achee banata hai.” Mum smiled and climbed up, and I rushed at lightening speed to grab the goodies she got for me immideately opening and tasting it to finish leaving just 3 pieces in it — one for my bapu, one for my mumma and one for the old boy who lived in next room, my Dadajee!

After having some rest, my mom just realised that today DMS polypack milk man had not come and since she had made custard as a tasty desert I had after each meal we needed to buy milk. Suddenly the t.v mechanics teeth flashed in her head and she asked how did u make tea…i told her i boiled one cup water ,put 1 tea spoon sugar ,1 tea spoon tea leaves and 4tea spoons milk..i had learnt this in alegebra question in how much water would be reuired for 5 cup tea if one cup requires this much so as a genius i had applied this formula..

At this mom said but there was no milk in fridge??? I went to the fridge and got a Katora of milk telling see..u r growing old we have so much..

She just held her head and we realised..Ihad made tea of Vanilla custard….oh how the mechanic had enjoyed the creamy tea!….

Next, I remember trying my hand, just after marriage, at making the first meal in my husband’s bachelor’s kitchen… since both set of parents were in different towns and there was no availability of you tube to copy paste..my husband lovingly said I am going to the gym, you go and buy veggies from market and cook lunch….like a good grehni i bought aata ,gobhi ,potatoes, peeleee dal ,salt ,turmeric and curd from market and went for my first mission to Kitchen! To fasten cooking i thought lets cook Cauliflower in pressure cooker so i put a lot of water ,salt ,turmeic ,cauliflowe and potatoes and let it have 6 whistles…i had put romantic songs on fm radio while cooking and as a newly wed kept blushing and smiling at pressure cooker whistling at me! After 6 whistles l switched off the gas and opened the cooker without releasing its pressure…getting extremely red hand with so much steam..
But I didn’t give up. Now was the time to knead the flour. I put double the water and rolled Australia, South America and India. We should use Geography that we learnt in school to the fullest… Anyway, my humble husband ate gobhi tari with the world political maps with quite some patience.
After a few years of cutting rotis with different size lids of tiffins I mastered compass diameter usage for constructing chapattis. My mother-in-law visited us for the first time after marriage and to impress her I made sooozy kaa Halwa… Recipe given by Soozy disousa on Femina’s cookery page… But soozi didn’t mention we have to roast the Sooojee, I mean semolina, so I cooked all perfect according to the book but ended up with lumps in my halwa… My husband named it gaantho waala halwa.

I am a good daughter-in-law… self-proclaimed.. so thought of giving a surprise to my father-in-law on his b’day with eggless mango cake but I baked it at 450degrees for 50 minutes… Making it crow coloured… Thank god it didn’t croak Kaw kaw… My husband named my speciality…koyla cake!

I think with Eno, Digene, Gelusil and Pan40, all os.me would be able to digest this much of my dishes today.

For few more cooking disasters, i’ll be back soon… Till then we all can share our funny cooking stories in the comments box!

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