This is a “Thing” which has been bothering me since 1996.
Before I got married, the idea of marriage was a lovely relationship of love forever…
And what was the idea of love?
It was the same as every girl of age 21 could have. Not today’s girl, with no offence. Good that today’s girl is more smart than how we were in our 20’s, I can tell that I consider myself mentally retarted if I compare with today’s girl. Those who were born around 1965-1975 can understand and relate to it better.
So when I got married the first 12 years passed by just to accept and understand the fact and reality that my idea of marriage was not mature enough. But I wasn’t ready to give up. I kept demanding love, and the definition of love was the same as you see in Shahrukh Khan’s movies.
I was not aware that just fulfilling my duties as a wife or as a mother or as a daughter in law wasn’t enough to receive ‘love’ from my husband.
I did not understand that love is not something that you can snatch from someone by just being in a marriage or being a good wife.
How can I get love from my husband? This was the whole battle for me in my married life, whatever I did, I did it so I can get few good loving words from him for me.
I wasn’t aware though at that time, but that was my emotional struggle all the time. I was normal outside but a volcano was burning inside me.
This was not the only thing, there was one more hidden aspect in my marriage which I did not realise at that time was, that I myself never loved my husband. I have assumed that fulfilling my responsibilities in a very good manner is something that is making me deserving of his love, and he is obliged to love me. And once he will love me I will also love him back.
I did not realise that he was also fulfilling his responsibilities.
And there is a very interesting fact here, when you think that your spouse MUST love you because you are doing everything you are supposed to do, you start getting bitter and disrespectful towards your partner. You are not loving him or her unconditionally but you are in a business.
But today I am not here to tell you all the answers about marriage.
There are none.
I am here to raise some questions.
- Is marriage all about love only? Just think about it, do you get married just to be loved by someone forever?
- Then why do you expect him or her also to be well educated or to be a doctor or engineer or a professional with a very good income or to take care of children or cook and clean or respect your parents and so on and so forth?
- Is marriage all about physical intimacy and physical attraction?
- Do you think a human being can feel the same physical attraction towards another person forever? Do you think it is even possible?
- For those who break their marriage just because they do not feel the same for their partner as they have felt before, do you think the next person in your life can make you feel happy forever? If you are an honest person and you know that the next person will also become the same old boring person after some time, will you change the person again?
- If you are a victim of cheating from your spouse, and you are not able to forgive him or her, and you want divorse (after several years of your marriage) do you think you can get divorced emotionally too? Do you think your children will respect ‘marriage’ ever?
- What marriage actually is? A physical tie up? A financial tie up? A social tie up? An emotional tie up? Or EVERYTHING?
Don’t you think it’s too much to ask for?
Should we be in the marriage no matter how painful it is?
But 95% of the time we make it painful for us. Although there are no perfect ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers for marriage problems, but “spirituality” has some.
You want answers anyway?
Okay! Watch at least three Om Swami YouTube videos every day for next three months or so, you WLL get answers.
Not just answers for marriage or relationship problems, for any problem.