I had decided to not to document anything about my first and all the upcoming visits to the Ashram but once I met him, I changed my mind because I would want to remember how it felt and also would like the same for everyone who reads it.

I had undertaken a Guru Sadhana before visiting the Ashram and Sanklapas included a vow of truth and no negative feelings for anyone. To say that it was difficult is an understatement. While on this sadhana, I realised how hard it was because I was very careful and aware of what I was saying, thinking and feeling and was amazed at how many times my mind brought these things up and how many times I used to do these things subconsciously. But there was this deep contentment and satisfaction like when a huge burden is off your shoulders. Practicing truth is one of the most liberating things I experienced.

By the time I met Sri Hari, I was not only ready, I was desperately waiting to do so, He was the divine I loved so much. I went to the temple right after we reached and took a little rest. He was all alone and probably having his alone time when I went in there jumping like a baby monkey. I had so many things to tell him, so many things to discuss with him and so many doubts that were waiting to be cleared but as soon as I saw him, I forgot everything. There he was, Shiva and Uma together. He had such an effect on me that I could not say anything, in fact there was nothing left to say. I struggled to find a topic to converse and searched my mind for the mental list I had prepared to discuss with him but his eyes said it with utmost conviction that he knows everything (Which was good because I had forgotten everything) and I ended up telling him that I only wanted him and had nothing more to say. The energy there is just too real to mistake the Sri Hari idol for just an idol. It is Bhagwan himself and nobody can deny that.

When I came out, I had a huge realization which melted something in me. The things I thought were important enough to be discussed with him, they weren’t. That was all the veil of Maya. The things I lost my sleep over and the things which kept bothering me, weren’t there in the first place. I realised that in reality I really don’t care about them. The only important thing and the only reality of my life was sitting in the temple and that was it. He filled me with such tranquillity that everything else became non-existent. 

Another huge change I experienced and I hope that will stay with me from now on is detachment. I know it is a contradictory thing to say but I have never experienced so much passion with detachment.I was still very much passionate about my work and my trainings and everything else but not like I used to be. I have craved for solitude before but this was different. It was like being in solitude while still being in the company of people and lovingly chatting with them. It was like being in meditation without physically being in meditation. It was like being in Vaikunth while walking on this earth.

I did not come back alone, I came back with truckloads of tranquillity, image of him smiling and his unearthly scent etched in my memory. Ever thankful to him for such a loving and overwhelming first meet.

Har Har Mahadev ❤