I had no plans to write this post, in fact I was not knowing today is Swamiji’s birthday!!.  After watching todays celebration in the live event I kept aside all planed work and started writing this post.  Keertan at the end of the event made my day!!  I don’t know how to describe this feeling I felt how lucky those who are dancing with him.  Just a thought of dancing with him made my eyes wet.  Its a feast to eyes.

Here I wanted to share with you how I started my journey and how I came to know Swamiji.

I grew up in a joint family where my father was younger one. My fathers elder brother was very dominating and he was head of the family. Situation was very suffocating for my parents. My mother always be stressed, but she had no one to share her grief and she was not aware how to handle the situation. Only person she found to express her sorrows was me so she used to scold, beat and abuse me. I cant even remember a moment of my child hood  where she just cuddled and kissed me. One day she finished her scolding and beating ritual 🙂 and locked me in a room. I cried begged to open the door when  I was tired trying just sat on a bed. A childish thought came in my mind(may be that thought influenced by movie “Bhakta Prahalad” which I watched)  if I pray to god he will come and protect me. There  was a Narayana photo in our room. I just took that that photo started crying telling how badly I need love of my mother. Magically door opened my grand mother came and consoled me, it may be co incidence, I don’t know but this incident made me to realize my bond with god. From that moment my life changed completely. when I grew up I started searching about truth, in this journey I met many beautiful people and read many books. Tried many things. I learned yoga, meditation, Reki etc.  My problem was not being consistent, after some days I feel bored so I search for new technique. 

One day my Reki master gave me a book he told its very good book you may like it. It was Swamiji’s memoir. From this book my spiritual journey took a turn, Especially vision of mother Devine melted me. Even after reading this book I had a fear to accept it, till date I have that fear. As you know this world is filled with fake gurus, I met few of them as well. I just bow downed to swami and said “If all that you written here is true my obeisance to you please help me in this path”. This is how Swamiji came in to my life. I think because of this fear its very difficult for me to surrender my self completely. Whenever Swamiji’s  view dose not match with my assumptions and perception this fear pops up, my mind start to question him. This heart filled with lies mind filled with doubts. In spite of this he just held my hand made me to take a step. Am I worth it?! I don’t have words to describe his kindness.

Kuputro Jaayeta Kvacid-Api Kumaataa Na Bhavati” This word is so true. Thanks to my mother for not loving me. Because of her I started searching my truth. My gratitude to Swamiji for guiding me. When I reflect  on my  life there is nothing I did. All Sri Hari´s grace. He gave everything. I’m so Blessed. 

Happy Birth Day Swamiji.

Thanks for visiting this planet. I’m bowing to you with impure heart, head filled with ego and doubts. With your compassion I’m trying to change my self.

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Smitha Hegade

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