As the saying goes in French: ‘Chassez le naturel, il revient au galop’, meaning ‘A leopard doesn’t change its spots!’
Amore had planned an exciting day with her best friend. It started with a fortune telling session, then lunch and shopping at the mall. The Russian lady, Irena, on the other side of the curtain had often predicted the truth. Amore visited her at least once a year and her heart rushed with adrenalin in anticipation of discovering some predictions that awaited her. She squeezed her friend’s hand for support, expecting the worst, or the best, and smiled at her. Crystals lay on the table, cob webs and skeletons were hanging from the ceiling all glowing in a dim amber light from the candles.
Both ladies were received by Irena who spoke half creole, half English, mixed with a pinch of her Russian accent. She portrayed the real cliché character of a fortune teller. Amore asked about her future and Irena took out a pack of cards that looked used and old. She placed them over the candle flame for a moment then shuffled the cards and spilt the deck whilst uttering a prayer in her own language.
Asking Amore to cut the pack in her left-hand, she divided them into five heaps. Irena cut the first heap and found the knave of hearts upside down and in the second heap, the 10 of spades; this meant a journey with obstacles. A man from her past would re-appear and gift her what she had long been waiting for. The first person that came to Amore’s mind was the doctor, the Master Specialist in the Himalayas. She was also warned her to be careful of a younger lady in her husband’s office who was hovering around him, a possible threat to their marriage. Perhaps, this was the reason why her husband had become distant, unable to love her the way she expected him to, and this was inadequate in Amore’s eyes.
The session soon ended, wondering whether the prophecy of the fortune telling would come true or not. Both friends had much to ponder for the rest of the day. They spent a lovely girlie day at the mall.
As Amore was saying her goodbyes to her friend and walking towards the car park, she bumped into one of her ex-boyfriends whom she’d graduated college with. She hadn’t seen Jim in a decade and he was still very handsome. Those eyes, she thought. From them came an intensity, an honesty, a gentleness. He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks. He had a nonchalant gaze, and of course the blush that accompanied it was a dead giveaway. He was handsome on the outside alright but inside he was even more beautiful. They chatted nonstop and had much to catch up on. Jim was in the middle of a messy divorce. They exchanged phone numbers and left.
Amore, was putting in the time for her daily practice of meditation and was leaning into her emotions. Whenever she got triggered by her surroundings, she was connecting to her heart and sourcing from Godjust as the master had explained. All was in alignment with the wisdom she had learnt from her last trip.
Her path unexpectedly deviated when she accepted a lunch invitation from Jim. He proposed to meet at one of his bungalows away from unwanted eyes for ultimate privacy.
As the day was fast approaching, Amore felt more joyful than usual. A strange, yet familiar sensation or feeling that she’d already encountered was bubbling up but she didn’t pay much attention to it.
That morning, Amore dressed up and looked at herself in the mirror while lining her eyes with khol, making them look deeper. She used a natural pink lipstick to emphasize the fullness of her lips and added some shimmery blush to her cheekbones. Her own reflection bounced back onto her magical mirror which she addressed with enthusiasm, “Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the most beautiful of them all?” Amore laughed to herself, feeling excitement in her solar plexus, as if bubbles of champagne were bursting into a tingling sensation.
The magical mirror replied, “Amore, is the most beautiful one.” Satisfied with its answer, Amore applied the final touch of her make-up and voila!, her self-confidence took a new turn and she was ready to conquer the world. It made her feel more powerful as it camouflaged her ‘anxious-preoccupied’ attachment style.
Everybody comes with an attachment style due to their conditioning and parenting style. The attachment style you end up inheriting is then applied to any adult relationship including friendship, romantic relationships, relationships with your children and the rest of the world.
Have you ever questioned your attachment style? Is it secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant or a fearful-avoidant one? Amore’s one was the anxious-preoccupied style. This is a type of insecure attachment style rooted in the fear of abandonment. The aim of all dysfunctional attachment styles is to move to a secure attachment one.
Whilst driving to her secretive rendez-vous amore was on a high, the sort of high you feel when you first meet your crush at sweet sixteen. She could not wait to reach to her destination. Some awareness of her behavior kicked in while she was driving.
She questioned herself, was she was falling into the trap of sourcing from the outside again? Was it a test from the universe? “Nay! Nay!, this time, it’s different, it must be love,” she convinced herself.
The up-beat factor was too good and right now was not the time to introspect. She imagined the whole scene in a slow-motion shot, she would walk out of her car in her sexy outfit; two ‘perfect’ beings becoming one for some stolen hours. And this was exactly what it turned out to be…
For a few weeks, she was hooked and life looked bright and rosy again. Jim was giving her all the attention, care and motivation she needed in her life. She even took out her easel and was ready to splash paint over her canvas which she had neglected for a long time. It was also ‘okay’ that her husband was not paying her the attention she’d been longing for years because Jim was giving it all to her.
Amore was now as detached as he was. She kept daydreaming about her next secretive meeting, literally drooling over how cute Jim was. Every time they met, it felt like time stood still and they were wrapped in bliss.
The Master Specialist had spoken about the Divine Feminine energy and the Divine Masculine energy that is present in everyone, for both men and women.
Most of the time, the Divine Feminine and Masculine energies are wounded due to different life experiences, emotional relationships or trauma that remained un-healed or partly healed.
Upon reflection, Amore identified and perceived the wounded Feminineenergy in a woman’s heart as a red, bleeding rose and a healthy or balanced feminine as a white rose.
Here are some of the attributes of the wounded feminine (the red rose):
· She is manipulative
· She controls people
· She looks for external validation
· She lacks self-confidence
· She is desperate for love
· She has no boundaries
· She is insecure, can be angry, vindictive and bitter
· She is jealous
· She is stuck in victimhood
Here are some of the healthy, Divine Feminine attributes:
· She is forgiving
· She has strong boundaries
· She is authentic
· She is receptive
· She is vulnerable
· She is loving and supportive
· She is creative and intuitive
· She is compassionate
Some women can be partly wounded and partly healthy, with different degrees and variations of those attributes.
The wounded masculine attributes in a male body would be:
· He has attachment to success
· He fears failure
· He needs to be right at all times
· He can be aggressive and can use violent communication
· Cold and distant
· He can be critical and judgmental
· He is stuck in the mind
· He is not in touch with his emotions and heart
· He can be revengeful
· He is disconnected to his feminine energy
Here are the attributes of the healthy masculine in a male body:
– Committed and Powerful
– Deep Integrity
– Focused and Disciplined
Amore noticed that after a few weeks of meeting Jim secretly, the spark between them had fizzled out, leading to a decreased and gradually nonexistent romantic attraction. She was no longer obsessed about meeting him.
“What on Earth happened?!” the void inside her began to scream louder with each passing day. She sat in the fire of her emotions in her meditation room as it was the only place where she found solace. With some time, Amore gained some awareness and reached her own conclusions about her male relationships, her behavior, her husband and Jim.
She realized that when a woman appeared as a red rose (a wounded feminine), she would inevitably attract a ‘savior’ archetype and not a ‘king’ as a partner because the wounded feminine is in a ‘rescue mode’. The wounded masculine present in a man’s body is attracted to the wounded feminine in a woman because they both vibrate at the same frequency.
Every man has the potential seed of becoming a king. A king’s natural state is to give, he is predictable, his Shakti and Shiva energies are totally balanced. He respects and protects women. There are no games and nobody controls a king, very much like the guru’s energy which is one of kingship.
The Divine Masculine in Jim was as wounded as the Divine Feminine in Amore when they met. Amore identified with some of the attributes of the wounded feminine but not all of them. However, she still remained a red rose even if it was with only two or three attributes.
The wounded feminine spirals to her lower levels when she is driven by her emotions, ego and mind in order to be saved and loved. The saviorarchetype in a male body is as wounded as the wounded feminine. It’s his ego which is driven to find her and once found they feed off each other by mirroring their wounds.
We tend to think that men are stronger or more empowered but they are equally as injured. It seems that men have more difficulties in doing shadow work. By shadow work, I mean removing the masks of the ego, personality traits, to uncover the true self.
Amore realized she went off to an open buffet with an extended menu this time, a wider and more elaborate selection. Initially, it started with the spa treatments of manicures, massages, healers, crystals and now to fortune telling and a three-course meal with succulent gourmet deserts (infidelities) of her choice. She had an aversion to suffering and it was just another ‘quick-fix’ called escapism.
The awakened human uses its higher self or soul to source from withinwhich is directly connected to God. She understood that commitment to growth was important, but before becoming committed to it, she had to hit rock bottom and embody that all quick fixes did not work but distracted her path by going outward as opposed to inward. She also understood that her husband was not responsible for making her feel more secure or loved. His behavior was just showing her, the unhealed parts of herself and she had to love herself. The same applies when somebody triggers your anger, envy, impatience or any type of discomfort, it’s useless to finger point at them, it belongs to you.
This time, she did not judge, criticize herself nor feel guilty, instead Amore embraced the wisdom and understanding that dawned upon her. She had to fall in order to rise again because awakening to self-realization also meant descending into darkness. How can light be found if there are no opposing forces? Descending is going into a worm hole, observing the bugs and worms, in short, your shadows.
The message she got that day was crystal clear, Jim had gifted her this long-awaited awareness to move closer to loving herself. She was grateful for it and thanked Jim.
This whole healing work is about embracing your own sovereignty. A lot of ‘spiritual’ people are bypassing the descending state and claim having no ‘baggage’ and that ‘all is good, light and love’. I have one question for you today. Do you dare to look at your magical snow-white mirror? I invite you to self-reflect and the answer belongs to you.
Falling in love with the king, it may be your husband, the alcoholic father, the narcissist and all the masculine figures who played a role in your life, is to override all the wounds registered by your psyche and body. But this to be continued for another time.
· The four attachment styles
· The red rose represents the wounded feminine
· The white rose represents the healthy feminine
· The attributes of the wounded & healthy feminine
· The attributes of the wounded & healthy masculine
· The wounded feminine attracts the savior-hero archetype
· The King
· Lower levels are: emotions, ego and mind
· Men are equally as wounded as women
· Amore realizes that anything that triggers her is an opportunity to self-heal
· Quick fixes = escapism
· Awakening is also descending