I offer my obeisance to you Rev. Sri. Sri Om Swamiji🙏 Wishing you much love, peace and good health. Thank you for your presence and Blessings🙏🕉

Kindly note this is episode 4

episode  3 click here

episode 2 click here

episode 1 click here

I started  preparing almost 3-4 months ahead for the big shift to Rishikesh. Running around to find out about the proper schools there as my kids were studying in Delhi Public School and Rishikesh had different set up of schools . I wondered how would they cope up . In the midst I had to also finish my computer course classes as it was my habit to keep myself occupied with something constructive all the time.

But as luck would have it in all the running around I did not realise that the emotional butchering and constant abusiveness eventually had gripped on to my health. Suppression had taken its course . I knew I was loosing weight . I realised I had started to get dark circles and I would think it’s because of too much of work . For good 2-3 months I would keep having constant fever and I never noticed it as my daily chores never gave a scope to me to think of myself. And also did feel I was born with a system that kept me going at all costs with a strong will power .

But internal health is all about emotions and I was almost bed ridden at the age of 28 years. The doctors in Haridwar or Dehradoon could not diagnose my problem and  in the midst of all this chaos unfortunately my father in law expired. He was a noble Soul. Sometimes without informing his family he would quietly come and visit me and the kids. At times he would console me and narrate that he himself was suffering because of his wife all these years. But sadly he had no say in the family and I had seen him being treated like a nobody. We would laugh at times as he dreamt that very soon we would have a car and then go for long drives with my kids quietly. Memories remained…

I still remember the difficulty I had sitting on the floor at the Gurudwara ( two of my friends made me sit with great difficulty) for prayer meet. After the prayer got over everybody left except me and my little son were left behind. My son stayed back with me worried how I would get up from the floor. My pain got worse sitting there waiting  for someone to help and lift me up.

After an hour or so luckily my friends came back when they did not see me back home and realised I was left behind at the Gurudwara. They  were so annoyed at the family,”what sort of heartless beings are you living with? Please for heavens sake get a life, take a stand , look at you at such a young age you are almost dead and who really cares”. They were very furious.

In my hearts of hearts I was coming to this realization that time has now come to breathe properly and to now take a stand and for that I needed to break certain deep core seated disciplines and conditions that my parents had instilled in me. All through  my internal dialogue with the Self grew stronger. Yes goodness at all times is important and its true we can help people to change their ways of thinking or attitude only if they are receptive to embracing kindness and compassion.

Back home after the ritual as I sat down with great difficulty I felt my chest constricting , I gasped for breath and my son came running to me… “Sunny I can’t breathe, something is happening to me “.  “Mumma nothing will happen to you”, he ran in the kitchen to get some water and then started rubbing my back and within a few minutes I passed out. I could faintly hear my son yelling that he is getting the doctor and after that I just don’t know what ensued.

I later came to know from the doctor how Sunny got him to attend on me.

My son ( poor thing was barely 6 years) ran out crying as he wanted to call the doctor who was a family friend and was staying opposite our house. But to reach his place he had to cross the main road, so he went to the grocery store round the corner as most of our stuff used to come from there and the owner was very fond of Sunny. As soon as my son narrated what had happened to me he escorted my son to the doctor’s place and finally he got help for me. I don’t even know what treatment was given to me and for how long was I unconscious for. After good 3-4 hours when I opened my eyes I saw everyone around me My son was crying holding my face, my little daughter who was just 3 years of age looked dazed, I pressed her cheeks hard and cuddled both of them . I so wanted to live for them.

The man and his mother stood in one corner quietly all worried. 

“Your son saved your life, the doctor patted Sunny’s back . Then he turned towards my husband and said, “ she needs to be rushed to Delhi without further delay”. Actually he had noticed I was not able to move my right side of the body, my arm and foot properly and that was serious. Above all my gasping of breath was a sure indication that I could loose my life.

And finally I was taken to Delhi Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, the very next morning where within no time they were able to detect that my spine was damaged and for good year and half I shall be under treatment. The term given was Koch’s spine, which means tuberculosis of the spine or caries of the spine. The doctor suspected that I had a fall and had hurt my spine as in those days it was something rare to happen. But who is tell him how badly I was hurt by the man .

Apart from that I had pleural effusion and my lungs were filled with water on the lungs and they had to extract it out without further delay. It was a very very painful process I went through.

My orthopaedic surgeon was shocked to see my condition, “ how can you get her by road , it’s a long journey . You should have hired a proper ambulance that is atleast equipped to treat her while she reached here” he addressed my husband.

“ Honestly when you both entered my room, he went on, I could not even get to know who the patient was. He turned towards me, patted me and said, “With all that suffering you still managed to look so perfect , with no trace of stress on your face, hats off!”

“Don’t take it lightly, do you really want me to tell you the truth”, he looked at me

“Don’t worry doc I have a strong heart. Please go ahead, I am prepared to hear anything”, I smiled.

“It seemed you were saved by the Divine, one more day of delay, and you were paralytic for the rest of your life”. He was serious.

I knew something worse was coming, but having faced the worst at so many hands,  his message seemed too polite. In my hearts of hearts I knew  I have to make it for my kids sake.

One big lesson learnt, “Don’t while your emotions in changing an insensitive world. There is more to love and share your sacred  energy with caring souls”.

Three months of bed rest , a huge saddled belt  on for six months, I was discharged from the hospital , with my little son who never left my side all those days . His father presence was mandatory even if he did not want to.

And back home , for sometime I managed to keep a cook and cleaner, thankfully I got support from the man . After a week I took off my belt and slowly and carefully started to walk.

Grace Divine …

Looking at the vast sky, I smiled as tears rolled down my eyes… folding my hands and peace in my heart I started to speak with the Divine Mother, ‘ DUGGA I am your child, you have taken care of me at every step. Today I stand as a mother of my little kids as I have to take care of both them and not leave them in a doom state. If you feel I deserve to live on for their sake make me better. “I promise to never let you down and take a strong stand if situations turned otherwise for myself or them”.

The transformation in me happened. I got better by the day. Couple of months and we shifted to Rishkesh the holy place of Siddhas and Sages.

Would like to pen down few lines on a Life…

  इक अब्र सी है जिंदगी अब उसकी बारगाह में

खुदा वो मुश्क अता कर जो मेरी तकदीर में ना हो

Life is now just like a cloud in His graceful kingdom

God bestow on me such a gift which is not in my destiny

(अब्र – बादल, घटा, बारगाह – दरबार , मुश्क – सुगंधित, अता- प्रदान)

Journey to Rishikesh begins…to be continued…

Thank you my OS family for your love and patience in reading my posts. Wishing you all good health and peace. 

Jai Sri Hari🙏🕉

Siddhika Umesh