Today (20 Sep) is my birthday. While waking up lord at the altar in my room, they wished me happy birthday. I thanked and a thought arose what do I want as a gift from them? There was no confusion – I’m clear about what I want. I desire to attain them – a direct vision of my Sri Narayana that stays with me forever eternally. I want that supreme state of freedom; that supreme union with the divine; that ultimate state of Jivan Mukta; that nirvikalpa samadhi; that rising of the kundalini to the sahasrara chakra. In my view, these aren’t different things – all of these represent the same state – a state of supreme freedom and union that gives you the lasting happiness, bliss and peace.

No doubt that I have countless worldly desires and expectations but they are like a job a middle-class house holder has to keep up with to feed his family despite the fact that he no longer likes it or feels enthusiastic about it. Similarly, these desires are feeding this body and mind drowned in worldliness. These desires are a product of my past actions of this and countless prior lives – they are necessary afflictions that I’ve to carry as long as there’s any tinge of attachment and ignorance remains in my mind.

By the grace of the lord, I do understand clearly that fulfilment of these desires is only going to give me transient pleasure but eternal worries. As long as I’m acting out of a need to fulfil these worldly desires, I’ll remain vulnerable, miserable and stressful. But still, I accept these desires in my system as one would accept difficult persons in one’s family because hating or constantly complaining about people at home or afflictions in my mind is only going to multiply my stress – forget about reducing the misery by any degree. Accepting doesn’t mean I need to necessarily fulfil these desires – that I’ll pick and choose depending on my state of wisdom at a given moment. Accepting just means that I’m not interested in fighting with them.

When I compare my desire to attain the lord everything else seems insignificant and incomparable to it. Just think about the greatest worldly desire you have – it could be amassing great wealth, having loving and caring partner/family for life, being recognized for your expertise, getting thousands/millions of fans/followers on social media, building a successful unicorn start-up, winning an election and ruling a state/nation etc, will you be truly and eternally happy if that desire of yours be fulfilled? Will it not bring its own set of challenges and worries (just read lives of those who already have what you’re wanting if you think otherwise)? So far whatever we have attained in life becomes insignificant as soon as we have it and the mind wants more – new goal; new purpose, something more exciting and challenging mind craves for. This craving seems infinite, eternal and ceaseless.

What if this craving won’t end even if I attain the lord or that supreme state, you may ask? A perfectly valid question because this is what we’ve experienced so far with our mind. But reading about the lives and experiences of countless those who already have attained such a state from time immemorial gives us a sufficient preliminary confidence necessary to embark on this path. Rest will only come with our experiences as we walk the path with sincerity and unrelenting perseverance.

After attaining Me, the great souls, who are yogīs in devotion, never return to this temporary world, which is full of miseries, because they have attained the highest perfection.

From the highest planet in the material world down to the lowest, all are places of misery wherein repeated birth and death take place. But one who attains to My abode, O son of Kuntī, never takes birth again.

Chapter 8.15/16 – Srimad Bhagavat Gita

You experience an unceasing bliss that permeates your being. You exude radiance and you no longer have any confusion about anything at all. It all makes sense to you now. The realization has dawned on you. You are no longer driven by your mind. You have a still mind with no thoughts and you develop super awareness and super consciousness … You will find yourself unaffected by the worldly emotions. You no longer have any inclination for worldly enjoyments nor are you left with any cravings of any nature. Even your spiritual experiences cease to hold much meaning. You become independent. And that is your true nature. Always in a state of bliss, everything you undertake leads to the same outcome — bliss. Your vision of your deity and your state of samadhi will not leave you at any time. Everyone around will experience bliss too, just like everyone under the sun is basked in the sunlight indiscriminately. Whenever you will look at anything or anyone, they will only come across as pure bliss.

My Truth – Swamiji

Next the musician sang about the anguish of Radha at her separation from Krishna. When Sri Ramakrishna heard the song he suddenly stood up. Assuming the mood of Radha, he sang in a voice laden with sorrow, improvising the words: “O friend, either bring my beloved Krishna here or take me to Him.” Thus singing, he completely lost himself in Radha and could not continue the song. He became speechless, his body motionless, his eyes half closed, his mind totally unconscious of the outer world. He was in deep samadhi. After a long time he regained normal consciousness and said in the same heart-rending voice: “O friend, take me to my beloved Krishna and make me your bondslave. I shall be your handmaid for ever. O friend, it was you who taught me how to love Krishna. O Krishna! O Beloved of my soul!”

When the musicians sang, “Where are You, adorable Soul or the gopis?” the Master went into samadhi. As the music neared its end the musicians sang louder. Sri Ramakrishna was on his feet, again in deep samadhi. Regaining partial consciousness, he said in a half articulate voice, “Kitna! Kitna!” He was too much overwhelmed to utter Krishna’s name distinctly.

Festival at Surendra’s House – The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna

His nature is to remain without efforts. Contentment and purity abide in him. Even the most critical situations do not disturb his peace of mind.

Chapter XXI.29 – Tripura Rahasya

The ego has disappeared. I have realized my identity with Brahman and so all my desires have melted away. I have risen above my ignorance and my knowledge of this seeming universe. What is this joy that I feel? Who shall measure it? I know nothing but joy, limitless, unbounded! … The ocean of Brahman is full of nectar-the joy of the Atman. The treasure I have found there cannot be described in words. The mind cannot conceive of it. My mind fell like a hailstone into that vast expanse of Brahman’s ocean. Touching one drop of it, I melted away and became one with Brahman. And now, though I return to human consciousness, I abide in the joy of the Atman.

The Disciple Rejoices – SHANKARA’S Viveka-Chudamani (Crest-Jewel of Discrimination)

When that cloud of virtue has come, then no more is there fear of falling, nothing can drag the Yogi down. No more will there be evils for him … No more pains. Truth to them had become real. Peace and calmness, and perfect purity became their own nature.

Chapter 4.28/29 – Raja Yoga (Swami Vivekananda exposition of Yoga Sutras)

In this all pervading awareness, you experience a union that is beyond words. I wasn’t just hearing everything around me, I was feeling it. The same energy that makes water move and makes you move too. The same life force that makes a spider’s heart beat and makes your heart beat too. This is the common thread, the unbroken flow of energy, on which pearls of universal existence are strewn.

Other dimensions of existence and awareness were opening gently like petals of lotus do upon sunrise … Those deep sensations, that awakening, had become a permanent state of my mind.

The boat of my life was sailing freely now in the vast ocean of bliss and equanimity. I felt this newfound bliss while walking, talking, eating, thinking, sitting, while doing any act. I was my own bank now, my wealth lived within me. I came to the realization that kundalini is indeed real and its awakening is nothing short of the realization of the goddess.

The Awakening – Kundalini — An Untold Story

Sriman Narayan

Thanks Abhilash for reading a draft of this post and helping with the image.