Kavita was calling but I couldn’t pick up my phone, though I wanted to. Her phone call always makes me feel excited. Usually, I pick her call in a jiffy and then we both open up our hearts pouring out loads of laughter and giggles, many words of wisdom, along with sharing our new agendas, that also includes a lot about our sluggishness and excitement for our sessions and discussing about our meditations. But all of this conversation soon converges to our all-time favorite topic; what is the newest variety of cake that she is trying out. Kavita has art to narrate in a way that I get a vivid picture of the cake and feel its actual taste in my mouth. We always have a variety of topics on our plates to discuss.
But that day was different, I was different. My outer world was different and obviously, my inner world too was upside down. I wanted to pick up the phone and say, ‘Hii…’, but my inner storm held me back, leaving me in a state of shock with a question mark in my mind.. What’s happening to me?
It was not me, I was someone else. I was certainly not at ease and was equally confused. I had just realized that something was processing inside of me and my energies were not positive. Something was making me irritated, angry and a little anxious too.
I paused and observed myself and I could hear the words, “a girl who used to be in the NOW state, full of compassion and forever smiling, had disappeared and gotten lost!” Decided to do some meditation, wrote in my diary, and sat for my work, hoping to find myself back again. The next day was no different, it was still the same. Incidentally, Kavita shared one of Swami Ji’s posts that day. I was scrolling through it when suddenly something caught my eye in that article. I felt Swami ji had a message for me that He had sent to me through my friend. Just the fact that this particular article showed up in front of me when Swami ji had so many more out there, was a clear sign that it had something for me.
My mind was wandering with many questions like, “What has gotten into me? Why I am feeling uneasy? Why this struggle? Where has all my wisdom disappeared?” when I suddenly realized that it was really cold. I sat on my chair, wrapped a warm shawl around me and made myself comfortable so that I could peacefully read the article, “Four Kinds of Maturity”. It started with “Wisdom doesn’t come with age”, a write up that immediately made me realize that it was so true and it in turn led me to start judging myself. I had to forcefully shut my mind so that I could continue reading further.
The article at one point said, “I alone am responsible for my feelings and the world doesn’t owe me anything, if I don’t like I need to change it.” And something shifted inside of me, the energies, darkness to light, despair to hope, stagnation to movement. I immediately got that much needed insight that I must move from thought to action.
In the article, Swami Ji mentioned acquiring emotional maturity before moving on to the next level of spiritual maturity. As I proceeded in reading the article, inch by inch, I started feeling as if I was getting liberated from my self-created web. Suddenly, something shifted more, another dimension and notch; an expansion of my consciousness happened, the windows opened and the doors unlocked to what was missing in my spiritual growth.
Swami ji had also mentioned, “make your life a bubbly co- traveller ready and willing to be with you, in return, it wants respect and attention, it wants to feel you want it and value it, go make friends with life. You will find it worth more than anything else.” This was the critical spiritual landmark my soul was waiting for.
Voila!! This is exactly what I needed to get my wisdom back. I was back to my NOW state. I had been caught up too much in judging and analyzing but the pearls of wisdom in the article shook all that off giving me a great sense of relief. The journey to move from past to present had become a little long, rather too long, but Swami Ji’s timely intervention got me back to my home, my own space, my NOW & HERE.