Since i would never like to boast ,flaunt or show my superiority on any one,with most humble bhaav ,m i writing this Post on repeated demand of some of us co devoteees! Like on our eyes are eye lashes and they r equally important, dear and precious for our eyes ,so are all of us for Swamiji, there is no one who is more blessed ,more in bhakti or exemplary or extremely special to him! We all r his heart beat and he loves us more than equally, its only those who have been able to conquer their ever chattering mind ,who are connvinced and have conviction of faith over logic who can realise his ever flowing unconditional, unbound and extreme Krippa ,love ,affection and commitment to never leave us for lives! I have had the privilege to be born in a family who were always Loving God , Hanumanji for me was always an elder brother, and the one and only ritual we as a family followed was offering him bundi ,choclate barfi ,kalakand or khoya bharfee each Tuesday ,which he gave lovingly to his little sister ,who in size was following his steps ,the other 3 rituals i knew were doing Om jai jagdeesh shahre aarti on Diwali, keeping fast on saptami to eat halwa poori chhole on ashtami and offering peepal tree and shivling water on Monday s 16 somvaar fast to get a loving husband! Yes i occasionally visited temples on janmashtami or passing an exam! Then came the Gurudwara and my devotion from saakar changed to niraakar!Once married and with 2 kids but 0 skills of cooking, cleaning ,washing and child rearing aswelll relationship handling…i became a very cry cry baby! Due to my own foolish expectations and aspirations and emotional dependability on co existent souls ,i started asking myself y me questions and fairness of life philosophy! On one such occasion an old class mate who just use to call me maybe once an year asked me my haal chaal and i narrated my yyy ,crrry crry ,cry and my my my story to him! He immideately kept the phone saying he ll send me a saints vedio ,to which i got angry too…i m telling you my life s problems and what will a saint do? Till then i had least interest in spirituality, yes i wanted quick fixes so whenever disagreement to my opinions i used to visit Free Astrologers who recomended from putting honey dipped paper chit under bed to putting danhi badaaa with sidoor under peepal tree or making 8 people eat bread pakora in Saturday for 6 weeks or going to Shani temple ,and I used to do all this, also sometimes wore opal,monga or jade Gem stones , but seeing Swamiji s vedio in September 2015 and then seeing lots and lots of them gave me a lot of peace and answer to my foolish questions, expectations and desires! Long story cut short ,in 2015 December cruise to Singapore with my inlaws i read Wellness sense and as soon as i was back in Jan 2016 Memoir! Till then from September 2015 i had also visited a karmic healer who also was a freind of Sushreejis poorv ashram time and recommended me a Satsang by Maa Aarti Khosla of Prerna school of meditation in Chattarpur every saturday 11.30 am to 1 pm ,so i started attending that Satsang too! Dr Aarti Khosla whom we lovingly addressed Maa was a direct disciple in last life of Swami Yukteshwar Giri jee and co seeker with Parmahansa Yoganandaji ,she was very strict for no talking or indulging in social talks in ashram where an average 30 people attended the Satsangs each Saturday, we dint know each other s name too and there was no exchange on money in any way ! Maa used to make us do stuti of Guru lineage but the only face i could see was of Swamiji then too though we used to invoke all Guru tatva energy! In April 2016 there was Kundalini book launch in Delhi just 5 kms from our house, My family being of logical lawyers never beleived in Saints or enlightened beings in human forms ,with many known names convicted under women molestation charges,they would rather mock people who attended Satsangs or beleived in saints. Anyways on a permission to attend just 2 hours book launch i was not stopped to Go to the book launch! In my mind i was sure as soon as i see Swamiji, i ll stand up in audience and tell him how much i love him and there is no thought but His that i have each breath! As soon as his Black robe clad Form entered the hall..
Sheetal bani aag chandan ke jaisee ,Raaghav krippa ho jo teree! I was mesmerized and silent as if some Lawa of heart was frozen by cold ,pure and loving Divine rain! As if all questions had vanished! Then came a million thoughts ,science of mantras and all Saturday blogs and vedios, As well Om we know him ,my favourite still remained the Memoir,i could only read it again and again, other books maybe my intellect is not yet ready for ! In 2017 there was Tatwaloka magezine launch by Swamiji at Chinmay mission and i attended that too ,i still kept attending Maa s Satsangs without fail, 2018 and there was non residential Meditation camp of 4 days in Delhi ,till then i never knew if i could ever attend any of his discourses or camps ,I was financially dependent on a family who had different faith aswell i was never a rebel or too independent to Go my way and disturb family peace, on top of that i had no debit card ,credit card ,net banking or even never knew how to use an email! Divine has his Grace ,and 2018 i asked like a foolish child blackmailing their parents, if you love me get me that toy! I said looking at moon ,if you think i have ever truthfully loved you make me come to your camp! As Destiny would have it some spot got vacant and i could pay cash on the very day of camp at Raddison hotel Delhi ,also since exactly at that time my husband was away to Dubai for professional work ,the house chores were less and my mom helped me with food and picking and dropping of kids to bus stop! In 2018 September got Swamijis photograph framed but was not allowed to keep it in Altar so kept it on our bar! Since black lotus app was launched by then and i learnt toota foota email sending, i sent a mail to Swami ji to call me fast and also told him ,i can never pay in advance! The mail was replied by admin compassionately saying i can pay after reaching ashram! In 2018 November all Delhi devotees came together and started contribution of 2000 rs a month to get khichri made in a Gurudwara and distributing it every Monday Wednesday and Friday outside Aiims hospital to cancer patient, i was a part of it too! In January 2019 ,i got to know the word initiation, i had no idea till then what is this word ,and with my ever loving Tejas s help i filled the Jot form and sent ashram! Till then Maa Aarti khosla had given a warning to anyone who had listened to any saint other than her to stop attending her Satsangs, since she never wanted spiritual window shoppers and also more than one phylosophy confuses a seeker, i wrote her a mail telling about Swamiji that both of u r like father and mother to me how can i choose either ,but Maa never replied back but on 13th Feb ( the divine darshan of maa s anniversary day) Swamiji approved my initiation request! I was as happy that should die that moment but at same time treasured it in my heart ,my family could never understand what a precious gift i got aswelll in 20 years of my marriage i had not even for a single night even visited by parents house,how would i ever be able to go to Ashram? So i just kept quiet .it was as if an ever thirsty had found the stream of fresh water but had no boat to reach there!On 25th February 2019 ,I received a surprise mail from Ashram telling they could see no booking of mine for any event and so for my initiation i could come on 15th march and be initiated on March 16th! I thanked them asking in my heart to Swami ji, u know my situation and still telling me so! As luck would have it i sent a portion of email cut to my husband who was in Germany for some professional commitment if i could visit ashram? My husband is a very good habit extremely intelligent and hard working man ,a virtuous Son ,a responsible father and a non interfearing individual too, Though very cautious and sceptical so he is scared of our using any net transactions! At same time he has always kept me transparent and partner of his bank accounts and details though i m just a signatory ,and i have no complaints as he has more than fulfilled my mother s ,my or my kids each comfort rather given us a luxurious life! I had no personal saving though to travel to ashram or could not ask him same for he doesn’t beleive in Saints though He himself is an everyday Gurudwara goer! So i wrote him a watts app message..its my inner most deep desire to visit Ashram, as if Swamiji sat on his buddhi and he sent a thumbs up! Next task was railway booking tickets, ashram taxi booking and ashram stay money..for every thing i needed crredit card or cash ,all our co devotees Sandeep ji ,Sanjana ,Swapna helped me a lot and i discovered in my Shagun envelope 11,000 rs to cover all this! As Destiny would have it ,my sons class 4th exam were to finish on march 13th 2020 and then 3 days holiday for next session aswell my initiation day fell in those 3 days, so i was happy ,excited and even a little anxious, how would i travel alone to an unknown place! I had travelled alone before marriage 20 years back but confidence was not as strong this time! Any ways on 13th march when my son came back from last exam ,he demanded French fries ,since there was no oil ,i fried them in Desi ghee which caught as big a fire that all neighbour, electricity people, gas pipeline people,fire brigade and police were at our house next 3 hours! We all were unhurt though ,that day only my mom who s a follower of budhism s Ghonzon had come house too and our modular kitchen was all ashes, when all this happened i never lost my calm but kept talking to Swamiji on his leela! As if magic,within next 4 hours our kitchen was functional again with some old gas ka stove ! Life has its struggles though,the next day a day before my leaving i informed my in-laws who live out of station of my plan to visit ashram, they called my husband and said stop this pagglet and u know the truth of Saints and ashram, how can u send her…meanwhile as if Swamiji wanted me to be his officialy Our loving co devotee and motherly figure Sita jain jee called me telling, she along with her loving husband and dutiful son were visiting ashram exactly in same period and same train and they ll share taxi with me ,I shared their numbers with my husband, i think he felt some secure in his heart seeing them but kept ignorant and non commital on my ashram visit, his only concern was the house and kids schedule should not be disturbed! Since i have never had a 24×7 house maid, all my part timers assured, they ll help kids amd my mom when i would be away! On 14th March evening my mom developed fever, at this my freind Janak told me to get her medicine immideately and send my son to some other secure place.Till this my kids had never spent a night out of house as a family rule for fear of child abuse ( its not easy to be in lawyer family) , i called one of his school s best freind s mom ,if she could keep my son for 3 days to which she readily agreed! As unexpected my husband dint object this time unlike if he was under some divine spell! On 15th march 2019 at 6.30am my ola for new Delhi railway station came ,no one came to see me off till my house door too but as Swamiji says 2 yatraas r alone ..death and spiritual…the fire of devotional love was so high that I think Meera bai blessed me with detachment for those many days! I reached station to meet Seeta jis family and securely reached Ashram with Riya and Liza who talked all the way about compassion and love for Swamiji! I kept sending my location and group pictures to my mom and husband for them to feel secure about me but only received response from mom!Once at ashram As told by My friend phylosopher guide Dr Anu ,i kept sitting in front of Sri hari listening to lalita sahasranaam explained by her not having much social interaction! I thought ashram means Swamiji all the time ,but he visits ashram temple very few times in physical body on non event days ! I stayed in a dome with Aarti ,Uma from Banglore .With Anand ji ,Suvi jeejoo we sang kirtan songs at temple till late evening to have dinner at ashram dining hall with Sushree Nishthaa jee! The next morning was initiation but who had dreams in eyes we kept talking about our Moon faced lord and when i slept i dont know,next morning after bath and wearing a white suit with red jacket at 6am i was at front of Sri hari s Abhishek by Raghu Swamiji! I kept sitting in front of Sri hari till at 10am , i made freinds with Pankaj and Sri kanth, they too had come for initiation. Everyone was talking with each other how they got to know about Swamiji, when and how many times had they applied initiation, why and how does Swamiji give initiation! Outside meeting room some were crying, some shivering, some getting natures call and stomach rumbling in nervousness! Any ways at my turn Swamiji lovingly made me meera Om officially too and told me some steps of saadhna to be followed! I felt as if Sampooorna,all went to river Giri to pay maa Ganga thanks for blessing us with touch of real Rama in this life! Evening temple aarti Swamiji graced the temple with his presence, discourse and Aarti ,when he was about to leave i tried to touch his feet to be scolded by an ashram resident that he could stumble with my foolish snatching of his feet! Next morning till 12 when we had to leave, i kept waiting for him ,he never came though but i never came back too! My physical body is here,As Swamiji says you are in grahast do your duties dilligently which i m trying with all my might ,but Swamiji my heart, soul ,consciousness are there with you in your divine lotus feet!