I pay my obeisance to you Rev. Sri Om Swamiji, for had it not been for you, I would not have come up with my story on this open platform provided by you🙏🕉 This is the first time I have publicly opened my heart of experience. Hari Om🙏

Life the wildest dream….

Yes,  life is like a wild dream, as many times we encounter incidents that, one can never even dream of. I speak here, only from my experience, and take this platform to share bit of my Soul journey. Not a great writer, very simple in words, so please excuse the errors and vocabulary.
I was raised in Calcutta ( Kolkata) A sweet, protected childhood, loving, disciplined and religious parents, everything  perfect and smooth sailing. The holy book Gita and Ramayan was read everyday ( a chapter each day) by my dear Mom religiously. Sometimes I was compelled to read the Sanskrit version, bit by bit, to make us kids get into the practice, but my only thought would be, looking at the thick ( I would gasp at its very thickness) holy book Ramayana was…”who wrote it, who invented it, and boy! how much patience the author had, to write so much, and moreover why he had to leave everything for us humans?…esp the ones who are simply not interested” trust me , as a child there were too many reasons in my weird head..But yes, what fascinated me was the Divine Gita, and to make things easy for myself ( I was barely 7 years at that time) I would jump to  reading the moral story, after each chapter that was given, and become so deeply imaginative of how the karma of a person is carried forward in his/her next janama/birth.

It truly got engraved in my system. So I made things easy for myself, and ended up reading Panchatantra and gained wisdom of the thick scriptures to a vague extent( that was easy and lighter too).
Another nice thing in our house was, the whole weekdays, Monday , Tuesday etc were all connected to different deities and the rules for each day was different, eg. no washing hair on a Thursday , no non veg on a Tuesday, Saturday was fixed to visit Kali Temple so on and so forth….Discipline in every aspect, was foremost.

We were three siblings , me, my elder sister and a younger brother, and trust me we were all very obedient, except that I was the only atheist in the family. I seriously did not want to pray at all,  or even go to a temple , for I would feel all weighed down, with rituals and the discipline attached to it ( strange but true, that every family has a rebel).  But I had to consent to what my father told me, as there was never a NO in the dictionary of our home, it was always “Haanji”. At the same time, I had this weird habit of slowly communicating with God, as a child , as to how I felt about Him when I was forced to pray. I was so sure that He listened to my not so happy heart. 

My parents hailed from Punjab, Patiala and Ferozepore, Mom was a theatre artist, radio singer and captain of Punjab hockey team, My father was a great volleyball player, and a Chartered Accountant. They were a perfect couple with great understanding and love. Believe me , we never heard a loud noise ever in our home.  Both were fond of poetry, shayari , and my Mother used to softly and cutely share how during their days, in late 1940’s… they would exchange words of heart, by writing shayari to each other and then eventually got married. I remember reading her diary once, and got floored, with the flow of poetic words in it…

I was barely 3 years my parents shifted to Kolkata, my father then ventured into business and made a big name, but he never changed as a human being, ever kind, ever giving and compassionate, true to his name, Shri. Sadhu Ram Bawa, he truly was a Sadhu. The bigger fact was, my Grandfather was a Saint, and my parents often narrated his stories of healing people or him predicting some untoward incidents that would occur, before hand. I guess, I was lucky to be born in a family of such saintly lineage of ancestors. 

My Father used to narrate to us, how during partition, they lost all their properties ( as my Grandfather was a big Zamindaar) in Pakistan, and were on roads in a day… so much so, my father being the elder child of the family had to, sell  balloons at the railway station, so that he could look after his younger siblings and parents, for sometime.
But he gave us examples of those incidents, to make us understand that one has to be brave and humble and come out of dire situations with strong will power.  Time never remains the same, was his slogan, so be prepared ,when it comes to test you! Those incidents are so deeply etched in my heart, and till date  I stand by it.
They say when every thing is smooth sailing, there comes a HARD-SHIP that damages your SOFT-SHIP. The incident happened in 1983 when me and my younger brother got the news of the fatal road accident of the car, in which my Mom, Father, my elder sister and her 2 year old child were travelling. This happened near Patiala, and they were coming back from Vaishnodevi shrine. None of them survived. I was numb struck!! An atheist, that I was, actually took me to believe, or rather consolidated my inner core that too much worshipping is of no use…I promised to myself that I would never ever worship God in my life. I was barely 20  years of age  at that time and my brother was hardly 18years…., ( life yet again had showed up like a wildest dream)
One look at their bodies…I did not even want to touch them. I realised, it’s the same parents , and I did not find them the same anymore…what has gone out of their bodies that makes me feel so indifferent towards them. Why cant I pump back life into them…. It means that we are just pure free spirits using the body as a mere garment, and discard it one fine day and get a new one, the process so eternal. The loss taught me the very truth of my life,  as a Soul, that one day we all would be dead( sorry if I hurt anyone’s sentiment here , for they were my feelings at that point), what you make of yourself, you carry with you,  so  give life your best shot, re-create your SOFT-SHIP, with your strong will, doing good, serving well, and just keep your senses and deeds simple….

I ventured into different modalities purely out of quest, met few teachers, halfhearted passed the time in classes, as I would never get my answers, for the focus was not the subject or healing, but my parents only…( Its a different thing , and we all have the power to heal , and many times tools are not required)  I only had the  intent, that I might someday get a glimpse and experience to speak to the spirits of my parents….just one last word….did they want to say something….there was immense pain I felt in my heart each time of the scenes of their dead bodies, the crushed car, the pool of blood, the Prashad of Mata Jagdamba scattered at the deathly site, a dented feeding bottle of my two year old nephew,…everything was speaking of pain… .there was so much going on in my head….But, all my venturing could not connect me to them…alas! one has to reconcile, re-structure, awaken and move on …but in my quest I  started to realise that I was getting guided to the strong principles of my father and I started praying to Maa Durga, a book found in the suitcase of my parents whilst they were coming back from Vaishnodevi . It was Durga Saptshati, and reading it each day gave me immense strength eventually.

Life’s appearance as a wild dream did not stop after this too… I went through a very abusive marriage, called it quits,  after good 24 years, as my Soul could not take it anymore. That’s another part of the story altogether, and the experiences are innumerable,  and many times I think of writing a book, Explosions of Life:) ( just kidding, about the title).

A healing SOFT-SHIP came in the form of my dear Son, who is now a Doctor in London, serving humanity, he really takes good care of me, and is my best buddy , and my Daughter who is an architect engineer in Canada , they are well settled,  happily married and am well looked after by all. Truly grateful to the Divine.

At 57 , still kicking and alive , God granted me a life of a monk by default, with 24 hours in hand each day, upto my creative things that I’m passionate about, have my routine on Black Lotus, thank you Om Swamiji, I truly wish to meet you someday 🙏🕉most importantly, I never forget to communicate with the Divine, esp my Lord Ganesha 🙂 I still miss my die hard, atheist time though, my father is smiling, watching from up there,  to see this child follow his foot steps, finally! Love you Pa🙏 Thank you for being my true Guru🙏🕉sharing a few lines that my Pa used to humm everyday, with joy…its by Kavi Pradeep


Trust me there is a Supreme Power guiding us, lifting us, hugging us at every step, every juncture of our life. Keep growing through life, believing in yourself with a big “Haanji”( Yes), and He appears. The bigger TRUTH, HE NEVER EVER LEAVES US🙏

Before I wind up, I would like to extend my thanks to all of you here , for braving, a not so called brief post. I sincerely wish the best for each and everyone, and yes, never miss to greet your loved ones, and acknowledge yourself, everyday 🕉🙏

God Bless all!
Siddhika Umesh

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