Where do you go from here?

I am not sure how and when this change occurred. It must be a very slow and steady change, just like a newborn becoming a toddler to an adult or a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.

For weeks, I was getting silent inside my world. In the outer world, physically, I was talking and living as required. I stopped relating myself to the outside world. I was experiencing it, but not attached to it. The pleasure process, enjoyment, and desires stopped between me and the outside world, even though the communication was still on.

Understanding:

Before I was looking for something which I didn’t need, and I wasn’t looking for something I needed. I tried to let go of my ego, not fully understanding what ego was. I tried to let go of my desires, not understanding what desires were. Without realizing one can’t let go of something; until one knows, what that is to let go.

Detachment started building up rapidly. The world around me became a stranger to me, or maybe I became a stranger to the world. I was just watching it as is, from a distance. My imagination took a halt. The planning, the rush, and the creativity just stopped. There was no need for anything more. There was no longer a desire for wants. I became a misfit in the world. A welcome part of my existence got familiar with unkind words and strange looks from others.

I was struggling, I was exhausted. I was ready to give up everything, but I couldn’t. I kept on calling the Divine. Then I learn, that once you stop anticipating, the unexpected is inevitable.

What did I experience?

I started losing the desire for things around me. The process flow was natural and I started letting everything go as it lost its meaning. It was not a forced process. The glimpse of the real me started popping up here and there. It is shocking to know how little or none, we know about who we are. Yes, you may say that “I know me well”. I can guarantee that you don’t know yourself at all. I am not talking about your name, your body part, your status, work, relationships, or anything related to this world of Maya. I am talking about the “real” you!

I am talking about when you can’t add anything or nothing you can remove in your existence. As your mind and heart get pure, you find the real pure nature of you. The beautiful you. The state of perfection. The complete you.

ॐ पूर्णमदः पूर्णमिदं पूर्णात्पूर्णमुदच्यते।
पूर्णस्य पूर्णमादाय पूर्णमेवावशिष्यते॥

What did I learn?

As one starts to feel that there is nothing less, more, or beyond me. One goes in absolute nothingness but feels complete. The seeker in us disappears or just fades away. You don’t seek anything, you become what you were seeking, it’s all in us. You become very content with it. Sometimes, it flashes in and out or stays with you forever. Then you know, now there is no turning back. You have reached a state in your spirituality, where now, you are one with the Divine. Then you realize that you are the one, whom you were looking for.

You surrender to your consciousness. Being aware of the Maya (it is in your mind) in the world is inextricable. One can feel the consciousness only in the present, so meditate on your consciousness and stabilize it. Be present, be here. Quite your mind and go inwards. Silence your mind, thoughts, and intelligence.

I feel the vibrating energy, but still,
my universe is silent.

It is quiet and peaceful.
It is the state of just is.
Neither I see form nor images.
Neither I see Sri Hari nor river Giri.

It is a place void of covet
It is a place void of time
Neither consciousness nor me.
Neither my mind nor body.

Self-inquiry

Before, witness consciousness used to get trapped with ego and body. Now, I witness the ego, it is just a function of the mind, and not me. I am no longer in my mind. Ego has no value anymore. There is no I-ness. It does pop up now and then but melts away immediately as it has no place in me.

Quite your mind: The mind usually loves to either dwell in the past or the future. The mind doesn’t like to be in the present. Mind is like a little child. It can’t sit and be quiet for more than a second. One has to train the mind. My beloved Guruji had made it very easy for everyone. All we have to do is ask ourselves “What am I doing right now?” This brings the mind to the present. After intense efforts, one can tame the mind. It slowly but surely learns to be in the present.

Meditation: The yogic way. Destroy your scattered thoughts and get them aligned. Go inward and find your “I am that” (अहम् ब्रह्मास्मि), I am Divine.

Happiness: How do I achieve real happiness which lasts forever? Not by having favourite ice cream or shopping. That is just a poor distraction mechanism. Here we are looking for eternal, pure, and blissful happiness. Make your life a gift to serve others who are in need. Understand the need for others’ welfare. Help, be kind, be compassionate. Your heart will be full of happiness.

My lovely Sri Ma told me to have Patience and Persistence!
So, I wait patiently.
I Meditate and chant.

Where do I go from here?

I don’t have the answer for you yet. I am here now; this is where I am supposed to be. I know you are supposed to be here as well. I wait for you.

Photo by Rafael Hoyos Weht on Unsplash