My word for 2023 is fearlessness.
And no, I don’t begin the New Year with the adage “new year, new me”. Insert rolling eyes emoji. We have a chance to start anew every day.
You already know this.
Fearlessness. Not being afraid.
There was a time when I was. Afraid. To speak. To say the wrong thing. To be a trigger for the next outburst. To misjudge the situation and make it all go south. Or north. Whatever direction it was not supposed to go in.
I lived like this for many years as a conscious choice.
I couldn’t let my kids alone in the midst of it all. Although considering this compartment of my life, I got some inner questioning to do. Where did I go wrong there? Can I ponder on this a little more?
This was the time for me to become the master of my emotions. Of my fears. Of me. I got to the finish line. I can leave my running shoes to the side now.
There are no greater teachings than the ones you find in the moments of desperation.
When you face your darkest demons, and they don’t scare you anymore, you know you have climbed the highest mountain. You have made it to the top. In one piece. There is a soft breeze around you. A warmth you never felt before. Everything seems brighter, as if illuminated by a never-ending candle of divine light. You feel it in your tired bones that nothing and no one will ever bring you into misery again.
Is there a bigger victory than that?
This is all in the past, though.
I accepted living in fear till I wanted to, and then one more minute of instability was going to be enough. When I look back at those long years- sometimes I do that to check in with myself. How are you doing, Elena? I am surprised at how far they seem.
And yet so close. As if I just woke up from a long shavasana.
I let my eyes rest for a moment and bring myself back to the room I occupied at that time.
Why do I do that? I don’t know.
The green goldish walls turned it into an enchanted forest. The big altar with the lit lavender candle. The nagchampa stick with its sweet aroma. I can still feel it in my nostrils.
That’s the beauty of memory. You can go back to any place and time you wish to. And if you don’t stay there but travel back to the present moment with ease, let yourself daydream.
One of the keys to becoming fearless is to understand that fear is not a permanent state. Just like any other emotion, it comes and goes. You are in charge of it. Feelings are, in fact, some of the very few things we are in control of. How we choose to give in to them or not is entirely up to us.
To be honest, I’ve been fearless for some time now. It’s only with the beginning of this new year that I want to acknowledge one of my wins and a perk of getting older. I give myself permission to celebrate the woman I no longer am.
Now, it’s your turn.
What is your word for 2023?
Thanks for reading.
Pause for a moment and relax with me