It was a morning in February 2020, while getting ready for office I was thinking that last year this month I had got the reply for the initiation request in which Guruji had asked me to wait, so I was excited and nervous about whether this year my initiation request be accepted.

I was waiting for the outcome so badly, every day I used to think of it. So while I was thinking the same, my phone beeped and in came an email notification — it was about the initiation request. I think I skipped a heartbeat seeing that notification.

I opened and saw that Guruji has accepted the request! I was sooooooooooo happpppyyyyyyyy. I started doing Pranams. I didn’t know how to react to this. I called my didi and shared the same, for I thought she might understand what that means to me. I wished I could just fly and scream in happiness.

I was in Oman at that time on secondment from my office and it was a very big opportunity for me. It was a three months project ending April first week. However, after the initiation outcome came I started looking for options on how I could somehow take a few days off, and visit the ashram to be initiated for that was my priority.

I was thinking even if they can release me early that would also be great, for I will be able to travel to the ashram in the March Open event. That was the time Corona had just started to spread. Few countries have started getting a number of Covid cases including the one in which I was staying.

My sister asked me if it was possible that I came early as she was concerned for me, but all I could think of was how to convince my manager to give me 10 days leaves in between.

My luck was good and circumstances turned such that we were actually coming back early, and that meant I was free to go to the ashram during the March Open event. I was happy, excited, elated and what not…Everything seemed favourable! I made all the bookings and started thinking all the stuff like what I may bring for Guruji he does not eat food made by a person other than some selected ones, what will I say to him he knows everything then shall I explain to him what I want, I cried thinking of the situation when I will be in front of him.

And then, a weird thought would come that what if since I have cried so many times already I may not be able to cry when actually in front of him! Will he feel there is a lack of bhav in me then? My mind would just not stop!

As I came back home and shared with my parents that I was going to the ashram, they became concerned because Corona had started spreading rapidly in India also, and people had started understanding its severity. They tried to convince me multiple times to not go considering the situation. I made them understand how important it was for me and if anything unfavourable is destined to happen to me during corona time, then my visit becomes even more important for at least I would get initiated and I’ll continue my journey in my next birth.

Seeing me almost fighting, I think my parents somewhere felt that I will not be convinced, so they gave in. A few days passed, and now just two days were left for my scheduled visit. I was thinking I should start packing. And then came a call from Sanjuji, with whom I had booked a cab to the ashram.

I thought he was calling to confirm my visit. But as I spoke to him, very politely he delivered the message to me that the event stands cancelled and no visitors were allowed now. I was just numb, not wanting to believe what he said. He asked me to confirm it myself. So, I did send an email and got the reply that the event has been cancelled and somehow my email id was missed when they had mailed it to everyone.

I have always believed and I know that whatever Shivji does it is the best. However, at times like these, it’s difficult to comprehend the “why” and we mostly don’t get the answers right away. But that’s okay, it’s not necessary for me to know it all. But, it’s just that what I wanted so badly and which was about to happen in just a few days (or that’s what I thought!), now was being postponed for I didn’t even know until when. So the situation was that I was sad and disheartened but there was no one to blame!

However, as I began to contemplate over the next few months, there were so many important things that I realised.

What are they?

I will post it tomorrow 😊

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Sneh Juyal

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