It was the dead of night. The wolves were howling and the crickets were chirping. It felt as if I was witnessing a completely different world that was hidden by the light which we are all accustomed to. The pyres that burned reminded me of the endeavor of my arrival. The fireflies had already created the ambiance. I searched for her but she was nowhere to be found, so I sat down and started looking at the dazzling fire. The fire had hypnotized me to some extent because I had no idea that a black cobra had already slithered its way to my neck. Its cold skin reminded me of someone. In some moments, a direwolf appeared from around the bushes. Its growl felt eerie and to my shock, it jumped over me. Frightened, I close my eyes and a typical smell started tickling my nostrils. I knew that she had appeared.

“Open your eyes son,” she said, smiling.

As I opened my eyes slowly, her appearance shook me to some extent. No matter how much I get accustomed to her appearance, but she always manages to stun me. Short statured, fat belly, snakes adorned all over her body like ornaments, cheetah’s skin around her waist and garland of skulls decorated her neck. Locks of her hair reached her thighs and her blue skin was emanating its own glow. The cobra around my neck traversed its way back to her matted hair and formed her hairband. With the moon of the eighth day of its waxing phase, she looked mesmerizing. Despite her eerie looks, she had a strange attraction that could not be neglected.

” What brings you here at this hour of the night.”

“Well, I wanted to meet you…. and also, wanted to ask you something.”

“You wanted to ask at this time of the night and from me. It must be an important one. But first, come with me.”

She took me to a place where there were pyres burning all around and in the center, was a seat made of bones and five skulls completed its front structure.

“Remember this seat,” she said, smiling.

“How could I forget Maa! It was here when I was first initiated into this elusive world, full of wonders and mystics” I replied, feeling nostalgic.

“Take a seat then.”

I smeared ash all over me and sat at the prestigious asana of Pancha-mund  (seat made of five skulls). and the snake from her hand slithered to my seat and then to my neck, Its hissing reminded me where I was and what was I putting myself into.

She took her seat and then asked the reason for my arrival.

“Maa, I wonder, you created everything and everyone but when I see beings, I see that they are stuck in their miseries and sufferings that have no existential basis. They think that they are sinful and impure and hence, can’t attain the self-awakened state. They think that only a few chosen ones are eligible to reach that state and they are not eligible because they are not living up to the mark.”

She laughed, laughed so loud that the whole cemetery shook with her laughter. Then she opened her hand and a chalice appeared. She gave me the chalice and ordered me to drink from it.

I saw it and asked,” What’s in it, Maa?”

“Freshly severed human blood. Now, drink it.” As she said it, a grin appeared on her face which was terrifying.to an extent.

Without questioning her further, I drank from it. I have been with many forms of her, some are docile, some are fierce but this one still manages to give me goosebumps as her ways are out of my level of perception. The blood tasted salty but apart from its taste, everything was fine. I took two sips from it and my lip was colored blood red. I gave her the chalice and she drank it fully with one big gulp which colored her whole mouth red. Then with her long protruding tongue, she licked her mouth and washed what was left of it.

” What are you feeling, son?”

“Nothing as such but there is a curiosity somewhere in my mind that what all of it has to do with my question.”

” But not everyone can feel nothing. The beings that you were referring to, if I would have given the same to them, they would be frightened to such an extent that they would lose all of them.”

“True indeed.”

” Have you ever wondered why are they unhappy or are feeling frustrated, anxious, sinful, guilty?”

“No, mother”

” Because they have formed their own rigid opinions of what is the right way and wrong way of living life. They have their own lists of pious and sinful deeds. When I gave you this blood to drink, did it make you feel guilty or you are committing a sin or you are going to be impure.”

” No maa.”

“Since you didn’t feel guilty, you could transcend it. Have you felt guilty or sinful, this action would have turned into a compulsion and your mind would be engrossed in it forever, forget about transcending it. It is very important that beings are not conditioned to notions of what is right and wrong. And most of the religious scriptures that the society has built up gives what is right and what is sinful and if you observe closely son, the basic human tendencies are labelled as sinful. As a result, most of the beings suffer from the notion that they are committing sins and hence, are impure and even cannot fathom the fact of transcending to their ultimate potential which is not true at all. They have been conditioned into thinking that how should they live their life, that they should be contented with everything, they should not feel angry, they should not have any sexual desires or thoughts otherwise, they are sinful and impure. This, in turn, creates a vicious cycle of compulsions that the beings suffer tremendously and it becomes impossible to transcend it. If a being is not allowed to express his/ her emotions completely, how can they evolve!”

“Maa, is there a solution for these self-inflicted sufferings?”

” Yes, there is. Whenever the beings are feeling that they are suffering something psychologically. They should write it down and contemplate what is the cause of their suffering. Is it a thought or opinion that is making them suffer? If that is true then from where did they get this thought or opinion? Is it from a person or a book that they have read? If that is the case, they should see whether the person that gave the philosophy or opinion is abiding by it and is happy with life or whether the person is enlightened or a realized being or not! If that is not the case then they should check apart from the scriptures, is there any evidence that it is harming them or the society in any existential way? If that is not the case, just drop that opinion, suffering will end. Remember son, when you were growing you also went through all of this and what did we do?”

” You all never made me feel that I was guilty or impure or that I have committed a sin.”

” And that was the reason that you transcended those and they are just thoughts now, not compulsions. Have we instructed you that what is right and wrong, it would have made you feel guilty and separated you from all of us, from realizing the truth of life.”

” Yes, I remember. Whenever I used to feel angry, sad, and sexually aroused and rebellious during my teens. You never made me think that I was doing something wrong and sinful. Instead, you all were there,  supporting me, reinforcing the ways to experience life intensely and joyfully.”

“And here you are. Most of what beings are suffering is just someone else’s opinions created by those who are holding institutions that are considered important in society. They are just propagating their own doctrines which has nothing to do with experiencing life. This is the reason, we did not encourage you to read any kind of religious book when you were small. We did not want you to fill your mind with opinions of others and suffer unreasonably.”

“What about ethics and morals, Maa?”

She laughed again.

” Do you see me having any? I am life in itself. Morals are just opinions formed by beings with respect to society. They think what is correct or incorrect or what is appropriate or inappropriate with respect to what is being accepted and rejected by society. One’s morality can hold some significance socially but utterly has no significance existentially. Nature can’t be tamed no matter how much one tries to. And hence, we didn’t give you any moral lessons of how you should be or what you should think?”

“Yes, Maa. And that was the reason I could be absorbed in your divinity all the time because, no matter where I was or what I did or ate. There was no feeling of guilt or impurity so I felt connected with you all the time. There was no feeling of separation as such.”

“And that is what attained state is. To transcend the state of duality, the duality of pure and impure, the duality of good and bad, the duality of pious and sinful, moral and immoral, correct and incorrect, right and wrong because life is not binary but a spectrum. And once you transcend, there is divinity all around, nothing else but divinity.”

As she finished saying, within the moment of my blink, she transformed and a new form emerged. Her matted locks and snakes became gold ornaments, the skulls became flowers, the blue skin turned milky white, the cheetah skin became a red robe. The pyres became flower beds and my seat became a throne.  The chalice of blood that was kept aside turned into a pot of elixir, the fireflies turned into butterflies and the cemetery transformed into a divine garden. The fragrance of musk was present all over. The form that she was in, could stun a thousand cupids with a single smile.

” Maya!” I smiled.

” Yes, nothing is true about life as is interpreted by beings. True life can only be known to those who have the zest to see life as it is and for that, one has to drop their philosophies, morals, ethics, opinions, and ideologies. Only then, can they know bliss nothing but pure bliss.”

“Bless me Maa, that I don’t form any conclusions about life whatsoever,” I said, touching her feet.

“So be it.”

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Subham Kumar Paul

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