Although I ended my previous post with the note that my next post will be about my first (and till date the only) meeting with Swamiji. But then the exigency of the situation demands that I write about this experience. This post is a cathartic experience for me.
I am often filled with wonder that how through his YouTube videos or his blogs Swamiji answers the thought that is predominant in my mind. (Please read ‘my’ as ‘our’ as I have seen this as a common comment by most of the followers.) My limited self termed these chance events as ‘coincidence’. I would often delight at these chance occurrences. Then one day, as an answer to one of my comments on Swamiji’s video, one of his devotee and a very compassionate person – Meera Om Ji gave a completely new dimension to my happenstances. She called it ‘Grace’. It was beyond me to give such a beautiful term to my happy coincidences. It truly is Grace. This incident that I am about to share is an epitome of Swamiji’s Grace. And I share it so that all those who are holding on to him know how much he cares. I have been having bouts of profuse emotions since morning, as I feel so overwhelmed by his grace.
I am a working woman who lives in a rented accommodation in a small town. Whatever I earn is enough to keep the body and soul together. Due to some reasons, the last two months salary wasn’t credited to my account. And with a crash strapped account and the date for paying rent on the horizon, my anxiety was through the roof. Ever since I have read Swamiji’s post about “Problem or Inconvenience” ( https://os.me/tag/complaints/ ), I always make it a point to categorize whatever I am going through in these different categories, and no these are not the only brackets I live in.
So, being broke, well …it’s a major inconvenience and my mind was eager to label it as a PROBLEM in bold letters, with a red alarm hooting over its top. I was filled with despair and fear about the impending future.
“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality”
The distress of an empty bank account is quite real and it can send your imagination spinning. Tormented by my misery, I created an account on Naukri.com around a week ago. As I have no particular money-minting skills, my profile offered to do content writing. I had no great expectations and was ready to work for as little as possible. My anxiety was coupled with frustration and I was quite sullen. Though what troubled me more was not my disposition but my reaction to my “inconvenience”. I reckoned that with all my meditation and daily spiritual practices I haven’t gained anything. I meditate daily using Black Lotus app and have curated a routine for myself wherein every day at about 9 p.m. I light a lamp and then I listen to this devotional song, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSsoy2cTqFg , which I feel resonates so much with me. While listening to this bhajan, I sit in a meditative posture and with closed eyes, I try to recollect the visuals of my first meeting with Swamiji. After this, I chant Lalita Sahasranam. (Whatever little I have memorized till now)
What was the use of investing my time into these practices when I cannot bank on them at the time of need? With such doubts, and anger in my mind 2 days back I decided not to light the lamp. But then, by 10 I did light it, though I did not sit down to play the bhajan or chant Lalita Shasranam. I played these tracks on my phone while I finished my household chores. By the time a new day rose my anger had set. I carried on my morning religious practices as usual. My silver lining was that, that at least I was more bothered with my reaction to the situation than the situation. This evolution, however teeny, was still progress. At work, I got this assurance that the cumulative salary would be credited to my account by next week. Today, when I read Swamiji’s post I felt that how trivial were my fears. I chuckled to see around 420 rupees already in my account. The anxiety was overtaken by gratitude. Who cares for the pennies with a pocketful of grace!!