• I was 1/4 th of a century when I had 1/4 annual baby( 25 years with 3 month old baby).Infact my main purpose to get married was to have kids to play with ( I was my self a kid and and only child with no cousins so a lot of time to play with some one else other than my father would be my own kids) They would be 24× 7 available with me with fat ,soft and cuddly arms and thighs ( with my physique it was a given I ll never have skinny or fat less kids) and I ll giggle and tickle their arm pits ,chin and sole of toes! Our daughter was 3 months 1 day old on our first anniversary (right on dot), she was a very very Rasgulla child( round round,sweet sweet and white too) , but too much Sweet can cause diabetes, I had not even a 5 minute experience to be with babies!We were a nuclear family with both set of parents 25 and 250 kms away respectively and no full-time house help available aswell the most ghorre pe sawaaar father who dint have the patience to lift ,cuddle  cajole or make a baby or her mother sleep. Since it was my husband s budding career as a lawyer with extreme scarcity of funds even to get fuel for the car he used to commute in to courts ,life was not as Rosy ! With a normal delivery ,no one to wash baby nappies,  no affordability of diapers and no top feed put to her the perceived romantic honey moon period of the baby and mumma changed to an irritating and surviving harrowing experience! The baby demanded mother feed every 4 hours and for comfort and security took atleast 30 minutes to do so ,an in between the demands of food, pressed clothes or dusted railings if windows and no cow web in a 2 bed room house with husband s office continued! I had no idea how to give the baby bath aswell there was no you tube available to teach same! I had no taee,chaachee,bua, mausi ,Mami, nani dadi available to share her experience, I think both my parents were too educated to have more than 1/ 2 kids! So lot of times due to my inexperience and only me opening doors at every bell of couriers, house maids ,office staff or office clients ,the baby use to at times catch severe cold too  once swallowed a napthelene ball while I was packing quilt aswell couple of times fell from bed too! I dint like any guests coming, even her paternal grand parents coming as she dint go to anyone s lap but mine she kept crying for hours and I helplessly making chapatees for guests! At summer months I used to put her in bathing tub just outside kitchen! At uncontrollable colic pain sessions at night when putting heeng on her navel dint sooth her at times I too cried with her! Her fever,ear pain or teething sessions were a nightmare for all of us! With Shalini s post on post maternity depression, just remembered all this. None understood  what I was going through aswell complained that I have lost my jolly and ever smiling nature! I was too immature !All this made me rethink if we are not financially, physically, emotionally capable why to bring an innocent child to this world??

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