I was sitting in the balcony with a pen and a paper and my mind wondering whether to pen down my thoughts or not. It has been a few days that I have been thinking about writing it here but everytime I try to do so, my mind just gives up on this idea. This idea about sharing a little about me and thanking all of you who are members of this kind community of os.me. I will begin by sharing a very unpopular opinion- 2020 isn’t as bad as it seems to be, at least for me.
The onset of this year was pretty well and in February 2020 we were sent to Manesar for a Military Training Camp by our college and we were not given any choice as it was declared compulsory by our department and we could not skip it. There we would wake up sharp at 5:00 a.m. at a blow of a whistle,just like a dog, then by 6:15 a.m. sharp we would reach the ground and drench ourselves with sweat. Breakfast would be served at 8 a.m., we would quickly swallow it, change and go towards the ground again for more physical grinding like racing, shooting, parasailing, river crossing and zorb ball. Then we would have lunch, exercise more and then our exhausted selves would somehow drag ourselves to the canteen, eat hungrily and go off to sleep.Though the other students frowned at the quality of food and the hard roti that none of us could chew, I along with other students who stay in hostel or PGs found it impeccably good and we relished each bite of that meal and our plates would be comparatively cleaner than theirs. We knew that this heaven will last only for six days, so we wanted to fill our tummies so much as if it would last a year.
Everything was going well until March as it brought a halt to our lives with the entry of Covid-19 and in April, my tauji left his body, leaving behind his wife and two daughters, my beautiful cousins. My family was with theirs, supporting them in anything that we could do and for the first time in my life, I witnessed the process leading to cremation. I don’t know how to express myself, I was overwhelmed yet I was normal and this emotional toll brought a misunderstanding between me and my friend after which we ceased all contact with each other. I felt vengeful, broken, low, embarrassed as I had spoken so harshly, that I could hardly believe that it was me. I was in complete denial, I was not accepting anything and I was blaming everyone for everything. Tears and sniffs filled my days as I was finally seeking refuge in the small temple at our home and started doing my morning worship regularly, began reading Ramayana and tried to meditate to somehow come out of that guilt.
You know, blows in your life are necessary to feel the Divine and these storms are important as it makes you see the sky clearly. This emotional turmoil helped me become humble, be thankful to Divinity, to Nature and even to the people around me. I will call it destiny that somehow I stumbled upon Neeb Karori Baba’s picture and I began to read about him. The more I read about him, the more I was kneeling to the omnipresent Divinity. A year ago, a friend of mine, who is also a member here, introduced me to this wonderful platform of kindness and compassion. I became addicted to reading the articles here and was occasionally reading it and eventually got a membership for myself. I also started using Black Lotus app and I could feel changes in myself, positive changes for which I offer my pranaam to Swamiji’s feet.
At this point, I do not regret a thing about this year. I read your posts of kindness, cleanliness, life saving tips, beautiful devotion and stories of Swamiji. I read humor, I read love. I read light. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all with folded hands for teaching me so much. I incorporate certain habits and tips in my life by reading your posts here and even the RAK section in Black Lotus app. It has been possible due to the grace of Swamiji. And yes,when I read about your life stories, I see how small my problems are and that in turn makes me more grateful for every thing that is in my life. Each and every thing. I see around me, a world of mishap and trauma that has barely touched me till now and this beautiful platform of kindness and compassion is slowly bringing some good changes in me, who has a tendency to be selfish, cruel, dishonest, lie, rude, a human mess altogether. Despite all this, one thing that strikes the most to me is what Swamiji mentions in the RARE goal of Black Lotus app –
I now begin to think what good karmas I have done to have deserved this beautiful life?
2020 is gearing up for an end and a new year will eventually arrive. Times have changed and relations are being reset again. I’ll sail again to another new year, to new things. I am grateful for these ups and downs as they teach me so much and the best thing is, I will close this year with Swamiji, with Neeb Karori baba, everything that is sweet and sour in my life and also by reading your posts. 2020 has shattered so many illusions in me and have given me something beautiful.
A heartfelt thanks to you all, the team working behind the screen and our beautiful Swamiji.😇
Thank you for giving your precious time to my post. I am really grateful to you.