“No, not again,” I think my heart sinking a little, before I can think any further her lips are right next to my ear. I try to say no, but her gentle cooing is making me number every second and I am unable to form words. Her sugary words hijack my brain, I want to say yes, meet her demands once again. I turn smiling “Okay, yes,” I say glad to be defeated, “you are a cheeky little devil” I continue. She responds with a wink, her face lighting up. “She will be the death of me,” I think as she lovingly pinches my cheek.

We all have either been in or seen a relationship where one partner needs copious amounts of attention, is extremely demanding and exceptionally manipulative. We know that this is not love; if we see a stranger in such a relationship, we smirk, if we see our friend, we keep silent, and if we are in this relationship, we try to convince ourselves that it is love.

Now that you have a clear visual, let me break it to you. You probably are in such a relationship, we all are. Not with a person, but with our minds. Our minds are constantly demanding and our usual response is ‘Your wish, my command.’ Whenever we try to say no it manipulates us, cleverly coming up with a million reasons and stories in order to convince us to do its bidding. Being gullible and because we are addicted to fleeting pleasures we often fall into its trap.

The reason I used the relationships as an example is because our mind has come up with a story which is lately being promoted a lot, ‘self-love.’ In no way am I saying that you should not love yourselves or that you should never treat yourselves. What I am trying to say is that there is a difference between indulging ourselves and loving ourselves. A little bit of indulgence is necessary because our mind is like a kid, it needs to be indulged from time to time, but it also needs to be disciplined. A kid who is constantly indulged ends up being spoilt, Dudley from Harry Potter is a perfect example.

To understand it better think of yourself as a child you need to raise, love yourself like you would love your child. Sure, you would indulge it from time to time, but you will also discipline the child, you will teach the child how to successfully navigate through life. Your mind is someone your child (you) is infatuated with and will do its best to please. This is a crush you cannot get rid of, so teach your child (yourself) how to deal with it.

Arguing with your mind is futile, you will never win because it is a master manipulator. Learn to ignore it. Indulge it sometimes, you don’t want it to sulk all the time, but most of the time it needs to be ignored, ignoring your mind works so much better than trying to say no. Love is not blind, on the contrary. Loving is like wearing glasses, it helps us see better, infatuation on the other hand, is what blinds us, preventing us to look at the world logically.

Love yourself! You need and deserve it, and no one can love you more than you, but loving ourselves is the hardest thing to do, which is why we are always looking for it elsewhere. Once you start loving yourself, the world will instantly become a better place, you will always have someone to rely on, yourself, and you will have the most beautiful conversations.

P.S – By the way, stop listening to your mind and ask your crush out.