Yesterday, our classes were cancelled due to strike by our seniors. I was driving back home from college early and I saw the temple in our neighbourhood. Although I prefer worshipping mentally in my inner temple, I stopped. The temple was empty. It is a small temple divided in two parts with a White Shivlinga in one part and an idol of Ma Durga in other part. It was an unusual visit as I had last visited it about 3-4 years ago. Nevertheless, I bow down mentally whenever I pass by.
Firstly I did an abhishek of shivlinga with water and offered the bilva/bel leaves which were already offered after washing them, you know he is Bholenath and Ashutosh (who gets pleased in less). I did that out of love for him and desired nothing.
Then I moved to other part of temple and sat in front of Ma. As there were no physical means of worship, I offered her all this mentally- a red hibiscus flower, delicious khir in golden bowl and a red chunri. Then I thanked her for blessing me in abundance and for love she has been showering on me from birth (which I realized recently). I told her that I don’t know what I am doing is right or wrong, but if I am about to do something wrong, direct me. Then I offered a 2 rupee coin at her feet, and chanted some short mantras mentally (I don’t remember exactly which mantras). Then I returned home.
Today, when I opened my mail box, I found 2 emails with sender’s name “Om Swami”. I opened it and found that someone had gifted me membership. The person chose to be anonymous.
So I am grateful. To Swamiji, to entire os.me team, the os.me community and all of the forces of nature for blessing me once again. Thank you everyone for giving me so much love in this short span of time. And special thanks to Supriya Didi because she was the first one whom I contacted. Her compassionate reply to my email gave me hope in hopelessness. Thank you Didi. Now, since I have been graced so much, I have one more reason to write. To express my gratitude, to make this blessing meaningful. I will give best of what I have received.
I remember about more than a month ago, I was crying to Mother Divine for having spread so much darkness, poison and garbage in this beautiful existence on account of my ignorance. I asked her, “Now I don’t want anything, I just want Shiva. I don’t want to sleep again. Please don’t let me sleep again. If once again I become forgetful, slap me and bring me on right track. Now I don’t want to spread more poison. I want to spread light. You are moola prakriti. Change my innate nature.” I could see a blur reddish hued image of mother in brow centre. I would cry to her all day, from physical crying it then became mental crying. Yet I could feel her motherly love. In night I would curl up and felt as if I slept in her lap.
So, a great thanks to Mahadev and Mahadevi. Words can’t express my thanks for them. I thank Mother Divine for blessing such a wayward child so much.