“I have wasted nineteen years of my life,” I told my myself. “All my failures and achievements are nothing more than a memory now. Every day I fought a battle willing myself to work, sometimes losing it and lazing for days. But those battles have left no scars, because I have hardly any guilt for lazing (Oh, I can feel the judging eyes), and hardly any pride for whatever I have achieved in the past. What do I really want, what is there to want?” This is a conversation I had with myself a few days ago. It left me with mental fog, a headache and a feeling of emptiness.
Our whole life we are working towards one goal. An ideal life. We study hard in school and college, lose sleep, prepare for competitive exams, work overtime to get a promotion. We do everything in our power, fight battles every day. But, we forget to ask ourselves what is an ideal life? Does having a lot of money equate an ideal life? Does fame? Power? It is funny how we work all our lives chasing an illusion, because we have no idea what an ideal life is, and is it worth chasing it?
The conversation I had with myself let me in on a couple of secrets. I will share them with you, but before that allow me to burst a bubble you might be living in. Success, or a relationship is not the key to an ideal life. No amount of fame or money, or a loving family or spouse will result in an ideal life. Now that your bubble has been busted, let’s move.
Ideal life has a sworn enemy, jealousy. The moment you feel even an ounce of jealousy, you punch an ideal life in the face and embrace ruin. This I say from a recent experience. In my opinion, I had spent my time in lockdown very productively, relaxing. Then jealousy got the better of me, when I got to know what one of my classmates had achieved in that time. The next second, I started cursing myself for not studying enough during the lockdown, the way I had spent my time seemed ideal to me before I let jealousy poison me. Jealousy is the poison killing your ideal life (which let me tell you is not all relaxation).
The second secret, what you are looking for is not an ideal life, because you are already living one, but are yet to be aware of it. Look back and every moment will seem perfect. Your present moment is perfect, be aware of it and live it. What we are looking for is a sense of completeness. We try to fill the hollow we feel, with materialistic achievements and people. The only way to fill the hollow is realising that life is perfect, our little imperfections make it perfect.
We all are complete, it is our insecurity that makes us feel hollow. Know that you are meant to be a part of the bigger picture He sees. Smile, now that you know the greatest gift lies within you.