I was rummaging through somethings in my mind lately–and for some reason, I was drawn towards recalling a poem I had written many, many, many and some more many moons ago. Those many moons back, I was not the me I am familiar with today. Things in general were fine, but I wasn’t. How is that even possible, huh?…But it is- as we all know very well. For me, in particular, it was a phase where I knew how to manifest my own undoing and nothing could stop me from doing so.
Circumstances are circumstances-but how you choose to react to them is in your hands- this is a lesson I learnt much later in life from that episode. But, back then, every time I looked at my face in the mirror- I could not recognise who I started out as and who I eventually was looking at in that mirror.
When I finally met my Master- most of my many “ghosts” were exorcised. And, if there is one thing I learnt from my low is a) being aware of it and then b) channelizing it into something profound and worthy. How? By being constructive- knowing how to help others in a similar space or creating some sort of art with it 🙂
It can get dark and grim inside- but as Thomas Fuller said ” it’s always the darkest before dawn”. Also, while I still don’t know why I am sharing this- God knows how nervous I feel doing so- something strangely inside me wants to set this poem free…and there is no better space than our osme family home to do so, no? 🙂
And, I guess- I have learnt, that its alright to be human in all its encompassing ways 😀 😉
**The poem below is a fictional poem, just representing a state of mind.
**The style and type is not original- but the words are.
I smash the car into a wall
hoping for that absolute quietus it would offer.
My feet , they were tired of riding the Jaguar
it made too much noise and was many sizes too big for me
it didn’t fit, I didn’t fit
so I rammed the brakes
but this Life, it refuses to be snuffed out
leaving me with broken limbs, broken head , broken heart , broken dreams
and an empty glaze in my eyes.
I tried so hard, to end it all.
It is lonely and cold at the Top .
Most people – they reach here eventually
But me- I am Super Fast .
I know how to stay here and hold my own in the absolute nothingness of this pristine isolation…
You see – I have arrived at a destination that everyone envies
but strangely no one really wants to get to.
Their loss I think.
Oh! And did I mention the latest acquisition of my favourite feline ?
…who needs distracting humans …
they demand attention, seek attachment,
ask for commitment ,
then they ask you for more…so obviously I refuse !
And then they tell me that I have paranoia??
Do you think you get where I got by attending family picnics?
and having feelings ?
I carry 20 kilos of excess stress !
Never on face though!
It is neatly packed between my waist and hips and thighs !
I love the weight! its all strength training –
I’m used to it even being tied to my feet .
I am even thinking of flinging myself into the sea
and finding the bottom of it all.
Downing a little prescription with a bit of Single Malt
I ace almost 14 hours at work.
Work buys me such a high !
I can totally afford this –
I can totally afford my self destruction.
So, why should I curb this animalistic urge of oneupmanship ?
For wealth, power and name…I need nothing less than valyrian steel in my elbows to effectively nudge out competition.
Human flesh and bone is prone to the rust of emotions and sentiments.
Aaagh! How do I fast track to fame and fortune?
I am highly driven and smart
…yet I am told I am not achieving my potential
I am strangely falling behind.
Success needs more sacrifice
Movies, Music…what is that ?
I dont even see the Sun anymore
There is a formula to success
mix: intelligence , elbow grease and tons of schmooze
simmer them a bit over the bunsen burner and I would be Gold!
Solid , Cold and Yellow?
How come my folks had it easier?
Maybe I should major in Business and then maybe a minor in Law and then more tricks in finance.. though I know its not enough…it never is.
What is this “Success” everyone talks about? It is not a place that I am from…
… it only looks like a place that I would forever be getting to.
5 hours of sleep
7 Hours school
4 Hours Homework
3 hours weekend assignment
2 hour gymnastics
2 hour violin
How else will I make it to the Ivy League ?
I hate school
Ballerina , I want to be a Ballerina!
I can run , I can jump and I can almost cartwheel .
I whine a bit, but I get my way
… you see I am going to be a blazing star.
I am the apple of my Daddy’s eye
Its so dark inside , but mommy has promised me its a bright and a beautiful world outside !
I offer this at the feet of Sri Hari, who has ultimately seen me through so much.
I also offer this at the feet of My Master, who inspires me to be better every waking moment.
And thank you Dear Reader, you have no idea the amount of joy I receive from you giving me your valuable time ❤️❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼