I always yearned to see my ‘cup’ full of LOVE….the feeling which I felt I understood so well until my heart bled profusely again and again.
Since I was a child, I never ever stopped myself from giving. I thought it was all sort of unconditional ‘giving’. Was it really unconditional? Not at all…otherwise I wouldn’t have felt the excruciating pain within me when I didn’t get the ‘love’ which I expected to receive from my nears and dears. The more I gave, the less I received…and I was left perplexed at all times…I always questioned myself – why always me?
Times have changed, I have changed but not the pattern. The vicious cycle continues till date where I’m still at the giving end. But today pain has diminished as I’ve dropped the burden of expectations that I always carried. As the expectations attached are dropped, one feels liberated.
‘Giving’ should always be without any expectations no matter who is at the recieving end. ‘Give lovingly, indiscriminately to everyone around you without any expectations attached’, was the lesson I learnt to come out from the clutches of anger, resentment and sadness. ‘Giving’ is for one’s own happiness.
This change wasn’t abrupt. It was extremely slow. After living with repeated abuse, betrayal, rejection, loneliness, fear and pain my relationship with the Divine became stronger. I felt as if some unknown force pulled me towards itself. It took many years to understand what was actually happening with me. God was pulling me towards Himself in so many ways. I was fully aware of the changes that were happening in me but confused as there was no one to guide me. Awareness grew and I well understood who is HE. The Creator Himself whispered, ” Don’t worry my child, I’m there to take care of you”.
Since then, I work only for Him. Whatever I do, I do for Him. It is always between us now. I do not have to worry about anything else. Just that, HE should be happy. ‘Giving’ has become so simple. And yes! My cup of LOVE is now full…always full. Thanks to HIM for all HIS warmth and love.