I work at UCO Bank at Osmanabad, Maharashtra. I had left being a dentist and went to the bank just for government job. A sense of financial security that a middle class person like me feels is indescribable. Even though the job is frustrating, I can’t dare to leave the job, as it showed me its reliability during the Covid-19 pandemic. Even though I feel like running away from the job everyday, I still do it, for the sake of fulfilling my basic needs. My hands tremble with irritation and I have an increased heart rate while riding my bike towards my job, with extreme sadness. Even during my lunch break from 2.30 to 3 pm, I eat like a racer, just to complete my job. The only happiness I feel in my job is at 6 pm, at the end of the day. I do all of my work with ethics and customer care in mind, but sadness persists all the time.

Few days back I heard that the Central Government is going to introduce a bill for the privatisation of banks in the Parliament. All thoughts of insecurity tortured me. All my bottled up emotions came to the surface of my mind. “What should I do now?  Even I have forgotten about being a dentist? It has been 6 years now, since I last operated on a patient. Why  doesn’t Modi understand the needs of middle class bankers. Wasn’t the target of achieving Atal pension yojana enough to torture us? He doesn’t even care about poor people. If he cared about them, then he won’t push this Yojana down people’s throat. How can he expect young poor people to pay that money for a mere pension of ₹5000, after attaining 60 years of age? Maybe I should switch banks after privatisation. All they care about is targets and not about emotions. I should have prepared for state service exam. Oh God, what have I done”.

At the back of my mind one thought remained constantly, “Only Change is constant. Only Change is constant.”

“Well if change is constant, how can I start fresh, if I want to do something new.”

I began to search online, for probable careers at 31 years of age. Did some brain storming, maybe state service exams, new private bank, work for Swamiji’s Ashram, maybe a tiny tiny possibility of being a dentist. These thoughts are not working. I need to put some terms and conditions, to sort out my middle-life career.

To put out conditions, two questions came to my mind,

1)      What career will help me achieve the state of flow?

2)    What career will give me enough money, to make that transition smoothly from being a banker to becoming non-banker?

The answer I got wasn’t surprising, because it was not new to me. It was what I have tried my hands at before, though just for fun at that time.

It was learning programming language Python.

I searched online to know if someone from the medical field has tried this thing before or not? I found many people from non technical areas who had become successful in programming language just based on hard work and persistence even after being married or having another full time job.

After finding so many non technical persons and people from medical field like me, I felt at ease. I have finally decided to learn programming language Python. I am ready to put all hard work needed for it but I am not going to give up. I am going to keep working on my new skill, till one day when I will be able to leave the Bank.

If you find sadness in your job, it is better to leave it but with a bit of practicality. And finally  Editors digest from Medha Shri arrived at the right time. After reading it, for the first time I let out all my emotions. It is written as follows,

“It affects mental health: A friend is unhappy with his job. What does he hear all the time? “Be thankful that you at least have a job!” Having gratitude is a great way of living life. Disregarding real problems? Not so much. Let’s not shame people for their circumstances or force them to bottle up their emotions.”

All of you can read it here: https://os.me/news/os-me-digest-when-positivity-annoys/