प्यास दरस की अँखियन में, मन के भीतर टोह।

प्रीत तो बस इक हरि से है, जग से कैसा मोह!

(The eyes are parched; craving for His one glance. The soul knows that He resides deep within the heart and hence, it’s searching Him inside. When the only One whom I have loved is Shri Hari then what attachment can I possibly have with the world and its affairs!)

Usually people purify themselves as a matter of Yoga. As in, self-purification stands as the preliminary step for any spiritual path. In my case, however, it was out of love for my master.

The day I booked my 1st meeting with my Guru, I knew I was in mess. My lovely family and my sweetest extended OM family were texting to congratulate me. They all have known how much I had craved for this for the past 3.5 years. Because of my longing to meet Him just once, I had been to the verge of insanity umpteen times and I had returned every single time for I couldn’t afford being mentally ill before I meet Him.

But the day I booked my slot, I knew I was stuck. In spite of all the wishes, I wasn’t happy. I was far from being happy. I was gravely worried. I always felt that I was impure. As if my very soul is covered in dirt. Feeling dirty wasn’t new for me. But for the first time in the last 28 years, I felt terrified because I was dirty.

My master is the very personification of Compassion. He won’t mind my impurity. He doesn’t abandon anyone. He never rejects anyone. He has never denied His refuge to anyone who sincerely requests for it. But as a devotee (I wish I could call myself a disciple, But I can’t 😊), do I even dare to stand in front of Him and pollute His altar! With such an impure heart and mind, how do I dare look into those enchanting eyes which hold the power of the three worlds in them!

मैली चादर ओढ़ के कैसे द्वार तुम्हारे आऊँ, हे पावन परमेश्वर मेरे,मन ही मन शरमाऊँ।

(Wearing an unclean sheet/cloth, how do I come at your door? Oh my eternally purest of pure Lord, I feel abashed even thinking about this.)

That was when I felt the need of self-purification right inside my bones. I knew I had no other option. I wasn’t much hopeful though for I knew I was in a gutter but I absolutely had no idea how to get out of it. That is when our most beloved Sadhvi Vrindaji came to rescue through Her course, ‘Self-Purification’.

The mind-boggling (in the truest sense of this word!) course shattered everything that I believed till date. From Lust to Shame, the 10 core tendencies of mind, called the ’10 रिपु’ (The 10 Enemies) of humans (especially a seeker) were dealt in depth by our sweetest Sadhviji. With Her deep wisdom covered with child-like innocence, She would go on enlightening about different वृत्तिs (afflictions of mind) and I would just listen Her in sheer amazement. In Her immense exuberance and poise, it felt as if Mother Divine Herself was gracing that seat.❤️❤️❤️

I was resolute about purifying my conduct; at least try to purify. I should be able to stand in front of my Guru and confess that I tried. There are some profound lessons that Sadhviji shared. Along with those pieces of gems, I have also made a note of my reflections while I was trying to deal with these little demons. Kindly allow me to share those here, as well. 🙂

Day 1: LUST

Day 1 was about lust. Lust means desire. By His grace, I didn’t have huge ones. But the desires I had, I gradually and mindfully started dropping them one by one. I didn’t get rid of it completely. But I tried. I am still trying.

My Lesson:

  1. Keep yourself focussed on that One Supreme Desire and it will become easier to drop the unnecessary ones.

आप ध्यान हरि पर रखिये। हरि बाकी सब चीज़ का ध्यान खुद रख लेंगे।

(Keep your one-pointed attention on Narayan and He will take care of the rest)

Day 2: Anger

Day 2 was anger. With my working on this emotion, the happiest are my parents for I had been a really bad daughter all these years. More than daughter, I was a bad human being. I never left any opportunity to shout and justify my authority. It was their deep love and immense tolerance that they always bore with my reckless yelling and uncontrolled anger. It was as if I won the world and they are bound to serve me! With His grace, I don’t yell anymore. This was one emotion that was easiest to tackle with the power of resolve and love. If you love your Guru, you won’t ever do anything that hurts Him, right? Well, it hurts Swamiji when we raise our voice at others. He says to Vidu Swami,

“Swamiji, whenever you behave with someone in a rash manner, it’s a slap on my face. Now you decide how many times you would like to do that to your guru.” (The Rainmaker: Miracles and Healing Stories of Om Swami (p. 156))

My Lessons:

  1. Anger results from grief
  2. Mindfully remind yourself that our loved ones don’t really mean to hurt us. May be they are troubled themselves (Yes! Compassion!).
  3. Remind yourself to Love and anger won’t overpower you.
  4. They are like Mother in Law and Daughter in law; love and anger. They can’t really withstand each other.

ज़र्रे-ज़र्रे में उस ही का नूर है। झाँक खुद में, वो ना तुझसे दूर है।

इश्क़ है उससे तो सबसे इश्क़ कर। इस इबादत का यही दस्तूर है।

(His Divine Light shines through every atom of this Universe. Look within, He isn’t far from your own Self.  If you really love Him, then love His creation alike. This is the only law of His worship)

Day 3: Greed

Day 3 was greed. I thought being an economical person, I wasn’t greedy. But I learnt that greed goes deeper than what it seems to be on surface. Greed is absence of real contentment; not being happy with what we have gives rise to wanting something more.  Even in an insignificant wish to a massive ambition, there is always a taint of greed.  I always wanted good hair. My genes (and other Science stuff), somehow, won’t allow me that luxury. Now, every time I see a girl with beautiful and lustrous hair, I feel a weird sensation in my mind. I wish to have hair like her. Reason? I am not content with whatever I have got, on my head (and inside my head!). So, I want more. I become greedy for it and I end up being rude to that girl for no concrete reason at all!

My Lessons:

  1. Antidote to greed? It’s sacrifice.
  2. Sacrifice make our hearts bigger and from a big heart more love flows. More compassion flows.
  3. These little rats of mental afflictions are terrified of compassion.

Also, in the video of April 4th, 2021, Swamiji said something that literally changed my life. That is my next lesson.

“If you really feel Shri Hari is your mother and father, then at least trust Him once. Instead of whining and nagging, see what He has in store for you”.

ज़िन्दगी तेरी उस रब की रज़ा है। हर बात के पीछे उसकी एक वजह है।

रज़ा में राज़ी होना सूफ़ियत की कला है। जो सूफी हो गया तू तो हर लम्हे में मज़ा है।

(Your life has been planned as per the Will of the Divine. Everything that happens in your life is happening for a reason (Narayan is called ‘कारणस्य कारणम’, the reason behind every reason). To be happy and content with His will is what we call the art of Devotion. If you can be a true devotee to Him, every single moment of your life will be just sheer bliss).

All my life, I though meditation with a straight back was tough; following the rules of chanting while keeping the devotion high was tough. Until I took up this task of purifying the conduct.😫 All of the other tendencies were still easier to deal with. It was ego that scared the hell out of me. 😱 I shall share about that some other day.

If you haven’t taken the course yet, you are really missing on a giant iceberg of wisdom. Trust me, it really has the power to drown the Titanic of our Tendencies. Plus, you will love Her. You will love Sadhviji like petrichor of the 1st rain after a scorching summer.❤️❤️ Go for it! Thank me later. 😊❤️

मेरे तो दिमाग के अंतु-तंतु हिल जा रहे सफाई करते-करते। Pray for my purification, family! Pretty please 😢 

Thank you for reading 😊❤️ Jai Shri Hari ❤️❤️