Why do we love to spend time with some particular person, whereas want to avoid some people altogether? The answer is very simple: because of the way they make us feel when we are with them.
Each interaction with others is an opportunity to be wise with our choice of words and thus spread happiness / share someone’s pain OR being harsh / cause pain. Be human, Be empathetic, as if you are with your own children (because they are the ones we are most kind with). It is not important to speak more, but to listen more. Sometimes least amount of words are the best.
It is best to avoid topics which the other person does not want to talk about. People routinely struggle with their studies, career, financials, health, love life, family life, and so on. Instead of reminding them of their struggles, we can at least make them feel better and be supportive with our right choice of words.
We can take a few examples here from our day to day lives here:
- You are meeting your friend / relative after a gap. You find that they have suddenly gained or lost weight. So when you meet, this should NEVER be the first point you talk about (whereas people immediately remark on it). Be sensitive. They might be struggling with something. They would dread others talking about their weight. Instead be casual, talk about other things, and slowly understand what is going on in their life. Be genuine and be empathetic. Let me tell you, at the end of the day they would remember you and love you for not touching upon weight.
- If someone has lost a loved one, share their pain without asking how the person exactly died (whereas people ask for specific details, and make the other relive the pain). This is the time when a person feels insecure and lonely. If you can let them know that you are always around the corner for their support, they would love you for that.
- People say they do not know what to talk about which others would also like. I say, if you are truly genuine and empathetic to the fellow humans, there would never be dearth of topics. One can simply start with checking the well being of their family members, and the conversation would just go on.
- Someone is ill, and you are checking on their well being: If you cannot encourage the person with your supportive words, then better do not make the call. Even if you know some true facts about their illness which can demoralize the other person, do not speak such things. If needed, you may discuss such points with their family members. Keep in mind how you behave with your own kids. You want to protect them from any undue negativity and would only want to motivate them.
- Someone in your circle has bought something new. You may know something better they could have bought for almost the same money or even lesser. Instead of telling it to the person, and making him feel stupid (having wasted his money) and sad, it is better to share his joy. Everyone has their own likes and choices. If they ask for your opinion, congratulate them, it is important to make them feel good about their purchase. We can always learn the art of finding something positive to talk about, and remain silent about the negative feedback. Being honest is good, but to be able to choose the right words at the right time is being wise. People would love you for it. But I would call it simply being human to each other. I would even go on to say that if you find someone criticizing his purchase, then support the purchaser (it is after all no one’s business to judge what others are buying or using) and he will always be thankful to you. Because we all look for approval of others in our decision making process and outcomes.
- Someone has criticized you for something. Try to hold on before you immediately react. A time gap always changes your reaction to the situation. Replying to them in harsh words is never going to resolve the situation or give you peace, rather it would keep the argument fire burning.
Every day every moment is a choice. Choose Love.