We all go through unpleasant times – times that feel extremely tough and times that feel like they will never change and when every passing second feels like the longest ever. But the truth is they always pass, always! Ever wondered if there was a mechanism, a guide, a list of to-do’s to travel the journey from ‘not feeling so good’ to ‘feeling okay’ a bit more faster and with less suffering.
In bad times, it’s very hard to make sense of anything but just one of those bad days – sitting on the couch I really thought to myself, let me put a ‘point of view’, a document, my guide to propel through bad times and come out of it – I really felt there has to be some mechanism to it. I tried to watch myself, all the things I did and the impact it had, and that’s when I came up with the below. I tested this a couple times, improvised on it as well and all I can say is it works, yes it does – I felt more in control, less broken and faster to come back to my senses and feel happy.
Now, from my observation, some folks are naturally better at dealing with things and can rise above the situations more easily than others. If you are amongst those, THANK GOD for it, it is a blessing. If not, read on 🙂
So, here is a coping mechanism that I hope benefits you:
(Usually I will state Do’s first, but in this case, Dont’s first, because one will be so tempted to do these in no time)
- Don’t react at this time, atleast not for the first 24 hours – any conversations, messages, emails at this time in most likelihood won’t go well. So, stop, it won’t necessarily calm you down
- Do not seek external validation – keep your hand on your heart and think if you did the best you could or even if not, give yourself a pat on the back for how far you have come. Do not make your happiness dependent on other people
- Do not eat junk – it won’t really solve anything and if makes you feel better – that might also just be very temporary
- Have a pep talk with yourself. Tell yourself:
- This will pass with time, this really will, just like all the past times. Give it some time, time is the best healer
- Is there anything you can learn out of the situation? If you learn something out of this moment, then this moment was worth it! In hindsight, I am very happy for the day that led me to writing this
- It’s alright if it feels unfair – the world was never meant to be fair! Take it as your karma being balanced out and some debt being paid
- Spirituality helps. I recommend a few things to put this in practice:
- Visit a temple and pray for your own and everyone’s peace
- Meditate for a few minutes – I use Black lotus app to meditate for a few minutes everyday (okay, well almost everyday). As a start, you can easily find ‘Om Swami ji’s’ meditation music on you tube. ‘Forgiveness’ and ‘Gratitude’ are a few good ones – the app has so much more to offer but GIVE IT A TRY, nothing changes until you change
- Listen to a discourse – I listen to Shivani Di or Om Swami Ji’s discourses quite often. A little different but Ted talks also help motivate at times. Something as simple as typing what you are feeling on google shows up useful discourses – I recently typed Om Swami Ji and how to handle criticism and landed to this video in seconds
- Tip someone generously or donate. I have done a few small things – pulled my car on the side to give money to a really old aged rickshaw puller, buy some eatables to a kid living on the side of the road, even feeding birds has felt nice when done with a peaceful heart, gave extra money to a vegetable seller – it gives me some peace when I see them smile, or surprised for what I did
- Change the scenery and distract yourself. Do something completely different to not think of the matter or situation – you will have to push yourself a little here. Not thinking about the instance won’t happen on its own, you will have to make a dedicated effort. Things I found useful:
- Working out – there is never a bad workout
- Coffee dates with my daughter or with myself – coffee never disappoints
- Singing songs and dancing (if you can get yourself to do that :))
- Talking to a friend who’s is very positive and constructive and thinks through solutions
- If nothing, just go for a walk in open – it will help you clear your head
- Practice gratitude: Make a list (please pen it down) of 3 people, 3 things and 3 recent instances you are thankful for. You will see how suddenly you will start to feel better
That’s it, in the end three things – a) remember you own the key to your happiness – don’t rely on others to make you happy b) read the above when in adverse times and c) do some or many of the things listed above. Reading may or may not help but ‘DOING IT’ most certainly would. I sincerely pray for your well-being and hope that the above can help lift your spirits.
Lastly, if anything above did not sit well with you – I fold my hands and apologise, nothing here has been written to hurt anyone or anything.
Lots of love and happiness,