In 2012, I went through a challenging experience in my life. It shocked me and I could not come to terms with this experience. After this experience, I felt there is no purpose in living. I felt suicide is the only way for me. But I did not have enough courage to commit suicide. At the same time I did not have enough courage to live life. So, I used to wish that some accident happens to me and I die or some earth quake happens and I die. But nothing happened.
I just cried and cried everyday. My career got impacted negatively but I could not care. I am the only daughter of my parents but I could not care about my parents. All I cared was about dying. Before I went through this phase, when I’d hear about someone committing suicide, I used to judge them thinking ‘how could they be so weak in life’. I used to think — don’t they have any concern for their parents? Now, when I went through suicidal tendencies, I actually understood how it feels to be in that phase and how emotions can completely overpower logic.
Now, I have been a voracious reader since my childhood. I read many self-help books to overcome this phase. I listened to music. My friends tried to console me. But honestly nothing worked for me. It was suffocating and I just wanted to come out of this phase desperately.
I learnt Pranic Healing in 2009 and did various courses. I learnt meditation as well. But never took all that seriously. I just learnt those out of curiosity and that’s all. I did not practice those. In 2012 during my low phase, after battling with my suicidal tendencies for more than six months, suddenly I remembered the teachers who taught me Pranic Healing. I emailed them about my situation and asked for help. I thought they will do Pranic Healing for me and help me come out of this state.
To my surprise, they suggested me to practice Meditation on Twin Hearts for 100 days. Meditation on Twin Hearts is a beautiful meditation which predominantly focuses on blessing the earth with loving kindness. Now, I was like I am not able to focus on anything and these people are suggesting me to meditate. I was upset with them but since I did not have any other way, I started meditating.
This is a guided meditation and initially, I could not focus much. I persisted with the meditation though it bored me and did not make much sense to me. After 20 days, I started feeling better. After 50 days, I stopped crying. And after 100 days of meditation, I am a new person. I lost all the suicidal tendencies and I fell in love with this meditation.
The situation which made me to think of suicide did not change but my mental and emotional state changed. I could move on from the situation and restart my life with a fresh perspective. This experience taught me the power of meditation and inspired me to go deeper into spirituality.
I can never thank the Pranic Healing teachers Ruchi and Sanjil for pushing me to meditate. Their gentle and loving push changed my whole life. I have experienced great transformation in my life with meditation and I am continuing my journey further.
What if I had committed suicide in 2012? I would have missed meeting Om Swami. I would have missed marrying my husband Balachander — a very kind and loving man I ever met. I would have missed so many joys of life.
To anyone out there who is going through suicidal tendencies, I want to tell you — “What you are going through is temporary. Life will not be always like this. Stay strong. Don’t give up. Take the help of divine through meditation or mantra chanting or any other form and come out the pain. May divine guide you in your journey.”
Sarve Jana Sukhino Bhavanthu!