So, I have been having some dull days but today was rather peculiar and upsetting.
It was the afternoon, I just had my lunch and I was preparing to play some games online. Then suddenly, my doorbell rang.
When I got to the door, there was a well dressed, mild mannered person standing with one more person (I assumed his friend).
As I opened the door to ask who they were he said-
“We are from the nearby gurudwara and we are conducting an event for providing a meal to poor. Would you care to donate some food or clothes or money?”
I was aware of that gurudwara and how sometimes they conduct these types of events. So, I was like nice, maybe I can give whatever I have to help poor. So I readily gave some money to him.
As soon as I gave him the amount I thought was enough something weird happened. He started to ask some weird and personal questions about me and my family.
He started to distract me with some tricks of letters and numbers. He started giving advice to me with some habits and actions I should do so that I have a good day or maybe avoid some bad things through them. Soon, he started doing some cold readings on me.
Talking about some names and relatives and bad incidents that happened to me and my family. And how all that is happening because someone has voodooed my home.
Slowly I realised that I have been lured in a trap and I realised that sooner or later he is going to ask me for some more money and He did.
He did some trick of asking me a flower and some numbers and before asking me he handed me some note and what do you know, the note had the same thing I said when he asked me.
And with that he asked me to give him 2100 rupees.
That’s when I was like, this needs to stop and I started to sway them away. But as I said he was very well mannered and polite I just couldn’t bring myself to bluntly push him away. But at that time he started to come off a little strong but politely that I should not keep the money to myself and give to poor and I should not send him away otherwise some curse will bound me and he didn’t moved away for about half an hour.
After this much time, I unwillingly gave him 500 rupees to send him away and then also he was not satisfied.
Now, some context for my personality- I am an educated person and I belong to a middle class family who are doing good. I am still a student who gets his allowances
and saves them time to time. Before, in my life I have evaded these type of situations and even dealt very nicely also. Moreover, I actually have prevented my parents to get into such situations.
I am aware of the tactics of cold readings and some cheap mind tricks. Heck, I have done these things with my friends.
But today I just couldn’t deal with him. I felt helpless and stuck. I knew what I should have done, I knew at that moment but I didn’t do anything.
After that man went away,I just couldn’t help myself feeling frustrated, sad and angry. It wasn’t like I felt betrayed or my ego got hurt. But something bigger had happened inside me.
The thing is my father is a very gullible person. Ever since I was little, I have seen him getting persuaded or conned into buying things or donating money etc.
I never thought him of a fool because later he would himself tell me that how he made a mistake and how I should be attentive of these type of things, and know how to deal with these people.
But I didn’t liked that how after even knowing, he use to fall for these traps often.
I have seen a lot of characteristics of my father and all and all I know one thing – which is to not to end up like him. He is not a bad person but he is not what I aspire to be as a person.( There are a lot of things that have built up to this decision of mine, in which I cannot go into right now)
But recently I have been finding myself to be more and more like him. My lot of habits and reactions to difficult situations really reflect a lot of him in me.
I don’t have a problem with the positive aspects of his personality in me(I rather like that). What I don’t want in myself are the bad parts of him.(Because those are really toxic).
I have been working on myself relentlessly to be a better man and to be a better version of myself everyday. But lately I feel like it did nothing. I still am a different version of my father and one day I will end up like him.
And today’s incident (rather not a big thing) still acted as a trigger to all of my fears and insecurities.
I was not sad that I lost some of my savings. I was sad that I couldn’t foresee his con even though I knew all the tricks in the book.
I was angry that although eventually I realised his con I couldn’t muster up courage and just flip him off.
I was frustrated that rather than facing the situation of saying no I chose to escape by giving him money.
There were a lot of things with today’s incident that disturbed me like how I am going to doubt every time before helping (more than ever), or
how badly people use someones’ family and faith to their advantage.
But I knew all these things beforehand.
What I didn’t knew that maybe I am not that much evolved or changed than before as I thought so.
I still need to work on my fears, insecurities, doubts and to be a better person.
PS:I know its not that big of a deal what happened to me today. Happens to a lot of people everyday.
But what was a big deal for me was what, a bad moment triggered inside me.