While walking on the path of spirituality I guess we all have come across this one question Marriage or Sanyas? Personally, I thought about this question, not a thousand times but millions of times. Whenever I read any Biography or Autobiography of any monks I thought Sanyas is the best way for me. Whenever I read or saw Sudha Murty and Narayan Murty’s interview I believed marriage is the best. Whenever I thought of solitude, silence, meditation, or Japa I felt Sanyas is the best way to carry out all these practices but the moment when I saw my friends celebrating their wedding anniversary, children’s birthday, they sharing and celebrating their life with someone forced me to believe marriage is the best.

When I asked sanyasis about this question marriage or sanyas most of them suggested to me that marriage is the best path one can take. I felt like asking them “if marriage is best then why did they take sanyas?” But never dared to ask. When I asked the same question to Grahast, almost everyone said Sanyas is best. Strange! Isn’t it? Before coming to Badrika Ashram I had seen several monks. I could sense the unhappiness and directionlessness in their eyes. I clearly felt the difference between what they are telling and feeling is contrary (I may be wrong also). I have seen so many married people who claimed that marriage is the best and partner love is only eternal, I sensed their loneliness, their emotional dependency, and their everyday struggle for an ounce of love, respect, and care from their partners. These contrary images blurred my capacity of seeing the truth. This duality made my mind think even harder and this question consumed most of my energy.

When things are not going well when the family is not supportive, friends are not great, a partner is a cheater or a cold fish and life is going exactly the opposite of what I thought at that time making the decision seemed very easy. But when life had offered me the best things like a well-paying job, a great partner, understanding family (my Baba’s family), supportive friends at that time this question Sanyas or Marriage? haunted me to death. My mom always jokes at me saying that “my vairagya or desire of Sanyas is just dhong/Natak (drama)”. The most strange thing about my Mom I feel is, she is the one who forcefully made me read books of great monks like Ramakrishna Paramhans, Swami Vivekanand, Amratand Mayi etc. and when I expressed my desire of taking sanyas she is the one who turned out to be the greatest hurdle on my path. This is the human mind I guess. First, they sow the seeds that they don’t want and then they cry and complain about the fruits.

All I wanted, is one valid answer from someone or should I be more honest and tell that I wanted this answer from none other than Swami Ji. But this couldn’t be possible because of obvious reasons. So I did the next best thing that is, I prayed to him to guide me and during this period I didn’t discuss with anyone about this topic. Not discussing with others was very important because their views, their information, and their truth somewhere made me believe theirs’s but I wanted my truth. After few days I was in silence, in urgent situations I was just doing the necessary talk. Being in silence was necessary because when the mind is in silence then the soul talks.

When I started meditating deep on this question marriage or sanyas few things came up. When I thought of sanyas I felt very content but a kink was there. I felt a bit bad for that person who is waiting day and night for my return. But when I thought, even more, the truth is no one will die because of a breakup or heartbreak. Everyone will find new love and life sooner or later. After all, impermanence is only the truth of life. Just saying this can I take the liberty of hurting someone whose mistake is believing me, loving me, and waiting for me? No. I can’t. When I thought of Marriage my greatest fear was getting away from my Baba. After seeing so many Grahast who complained about their schedule and they, getting no time for God.  What if I also get away from my Baba. So I decided not to marry. In both cases, some kink was there. Do you all remember what Swami Ji said? When it’s your inner calling “THERE WILL BE NO CONFUSSIONS. WHEN YOU KNOW IT YOU JUST KNOW IT”.

Hey Deva don’t I have an inner calling then? I was scared but Baba showed what my heart wants whether this is sanyas or marriage in both cases I just want to love him and live him. my greatest desire is to serve him. In his rangamanch I just want this body to be of best use. And as long as I am living him and loving him it really does not matter what the color of my dress is. But my request to my Baba is to color my soul and mind with Geherua (Saffron, I just remembered the song rang de tu mohe geherua). My soul, heart, mind, and each cell of my body completely believe that he is my true LOVE. If there exists a term called soulmate then my Baba is my soulmate. Baba is my partner.  Baba is the only path I want to take and Baba is only the destination I want to reach. When my Baba is my everything and everyone why should I be worried about anything? (Hai naa Baba) And coming to my fear of getting separated from him after marriage I got an answer for this in Sai Satcharitra. Baba says that “He pulls his devotees towards him not to push them away”. I completely believe my Baba that he will always keep me near him. If he won’t do that then “Mai unse ladungi, jhagadungi aur tab tak roungi jab tak o aake mujhe godi naa le”.

Baba made me realize this, there is nothing called spiritual life or material life it’s just DIVINE life. There is no question of Sanyas or Marriage, it’s just LOVE everywhere. If love is absent then sanyas, marriage, spiritual, material, or anything else is just LIFELESS and MEANINGLESS. The mind always enjoys this duality. It always seeks guarantee and safety in all aspects of life. But the truth is “Life offers us anything and everything but not Guarantee”.  No matter what path we choose everything comes with pros and cons, in my language I call it a shity sandwich. It’s up to us which shity sandwich we can eat. If we are meant to serve a certain purpose in a certain way and if we have taken the wrong path then there is no need to worry. Nature knows how to bring us back on track and Mother nature will surely take whatever she wants from us.

If any of you have this question Marriage or sanyas? (or any other too) and have not found the answer yet then please do not bombard yourself with so many doubts and worries. Don’t be so hard on yourself because we humans can’t think certain things in a certain way. Leave on him. He will surely unfold things for all of us. Until then stand up straight, lift your hand in the air and sing loudly “HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE HARE…. HARE RAAM HARE RAAM RAAM ARAAM HARE HARE”.

Celebrate Life, enjoy each breath, and spread just LOVE.

Note: Dear readers i just shared my understanding with you. I may not be aware of several facts of sanyas or grahast but i have huge respect for both paths.

Thank you all for reading… Take care… Jai Sri Hari

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Narayani Krishne

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