I didn’t think I would be writing a typical love post this week, but hey ho, it is what it is. In all honesty, I believe that besides the real pandemic which is going on at the moment, we also face two more pandemics. No, these two have got nothing to do with microorganisms, but am talking about the pandemic of unworthiness and the pandemic of being single.
I will expound on the former pandemic at some point in the future, but today, I must do justice to Valentine’s day and talk about the pandemic of being single. If you are happily married or in a relationship, read on, for fun. If you are not, read on for fun.
Over the past many years, I have been a keen detached observer of the people around me, in my generation and it absolutely beats me. It beats me as to how so many people are actually struggling to find a partner and I am talking about well-read, healthy and wonderful individuals who lack nothing. Yet, day after day, they seem to be single. I’ll write a post on this pandemic and why I believe it arises, in the future. But I think single people dealing with Valentine’s day deserves some attention.
Valentine’s day hits hard for most single people and from what I have seen, I think I may have figured out why.
You see, comparison is the thief of joy. Although they may be very happy almost all year long, seeing constant gestures of love and care being displayed on social media around this time, sends single people immediately into comparison mode. The need for companionship, sharing and being loved is very strong in us humans. And God forbid you are trying to prove someone wrong or trying to prove to a previous lover that you have moved on and can do better. Then, Valentine’s day ends up being more of a mindy hell, especially if they are ‘in yo face’ with a display of their V-day with someone new.
So, how can single people overcome this loneliness on Valentine’s day and avoid paying so much attention to the void. Firstly, I realised that what we see isn’t really the truth. A display is not reality. Everything looks beautiful in pictures and social media but isn’t what really matters the feeling behind the seen? And the scene.
How many times have you yourself clicked a picture, uploaded it, but you know very well that you were definitely not as happy as you looked in that moment. We are so focussed on showing things to the world that we fail to realise that our inner world is lonely as hell. Bottom line is, you may be single, yet happier than if you were surrounded. Let’s not just believe what’s shown to us, everyone has their own lives.
Secondly, have you ever noticed that no one actually carries love with them when they meet us? No one actually brings any love, all they really do is awaken the love which is already within us. Then what is it about them that awakens our love? Love is the absence of judgement. When we love the idea of someone instead of loving them, judgement is almost inexistent and as The wisest, loveliest one says, love is what exists in the absence of all other emotions.
So how can singletons get through the day?
1. Avoiding comparison.
Comparing our lives with others is detrimental to our own happiness. There is nothing at all to say that they are happier than you. And there is absolutely nothing to say that they are happier than you because they are in a relationship. That’s not the reason. Their life is theirs to live, and our truth and happiness are not necessarily the same as others’.
2. No one is responsible for our happiness.
Yup! Not even on Valentine’s day. If you have been in a relationship, you would know that you were not always happy, just like you are not always happy right now. Unfortunately, when we seek happiness in others, it’s almost always a recipe for disaster. Go do something for yourself. Find out what makes you happy, what brings you joy and what means a lot to you.
Here’s a tip: Give away love. No it doesn’t have to be a partner. Give out love to a friend or to a stranger. Do an act of kindness, buy some food for a homeless person or just call up a friend and have a chat. If you’re reading this post here, well this corner is full of happy helpful people, comment away and enjoy the day. Give a rose to a lonely cute old lady, imagine how happy she would be!:) Or a chatty old grandpa. Make their day!
3. It’s a beautiful day … like every other day!:)
Treat yourself or treat it as any other day. Enjoy it, enjoy yourself, see the beauty of life like never before. I tried, it’s amazing!
4. Love isn’t limited to spouses, partners, boyfriends or girlfriends.
Love is ultimately about me, myself and I. Come on, you know it. It’s all about making yourself happy. Love for the sake of love! Blast some good music and dance away loving yourself and if you believe in God, dance away in Divine love. Because the Divine is the one who is here every step of the way!
Go on! Let’s all celebrate our lives and enjoy every single day, irrespective of the label given. Let’s not allow the external world to disturb our eternal peace and joy. As most beautifully stated here:
The only true and eternal relationship you have is with your self. Live it. Love it. Value it. It’s worth it. ~ OS
Have a party like Swami used to, as He mentioned in His memoir, with three people, Me, Myself and I. It’s super fun!
You are still here?! Go on, go buy yourself some gorgeous red roses and don’t forget to get one for the adorable granny next door!:) Get something for her husband too, whilst you’re at it!