Like most of you, I was leading a normal life. I was a reasonably successful entrepreneur, a caring husband, a loving father, a moral person. All this changed when I started doing Meditation.

I was not consistent with my Meditation practices, so it was not giving me results. I did not lose hope as I knew the mistake was with me. After a long struggle results were starting to show.

Two things were happening, I was becoming aware of my thoughts and bodily sensations. This is where my life started to change. Let’s see how.

When doing a mundane task I started doing it with Japa. Here I became more aware of my thoughts, whenever I realize I was not doing Japa, I was also becoming aware as to what I was thinking. Analysis of my thoughts revealed that most of my thoughts were not constructive. Random thoughts, thoughts linked to my emotion, politics, and many more. I realized all these were unproductive. How many of it was about my business? Not much. If this is the case how can I call myself a reasonably successful entrepreneur?

Like every husband, I started COVID with a promise that I am going to help my wife in household chores. Yes, I did initially but soon started to find excuses. Did it because of compulsion. Mornings when I used to sit alone sans mobile, I used to contemplate my life and day to day activities only then I realized these facts. If this is the case how can I call myself a caring husband?

Who doesn’t love one’s daughter? They are blessings sent from above. I had once attended a Kundalini meditation retreat by Revered Om Swami. One day when I was trying to discipline my daughter, things went out of hand. I become too angry but suddenly I realized my body sensations. I realized the anger through my body. I was shocked and retreated from the place. If I had so much anger in me, how can I call myself a Loving Father?

I read somewhere, that once Swami Vivekananda said, he realized how terrible his thoughts were only after doing meditation. If Swami Vivekananda was like that, imagine my thoughts. It was terrifying. Not just during meditation in many circumstances, I realized my thoughts were not noble. If this is so, how can I call myself a moral/ethical person?

So, my life before learning meditation was amazing 😃. If I did not learn Meditation, Japa, or Contemplation. I would be leading a life without guilt.

NOTE-My blog is kind of a Contranym. Hope you understood it. Meditation made me realize my true self, even without doing anything else, I was able to reduce my negative thoughts and emotions. I am at least 10% better. I hope my journey with meditation continues resulting in a better me.

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Rajesh Kumar Ragothaman

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