I used to work in Govt bank. I never liked working in bank and I also didn’t like myself. Bouts of grumpiness, irritation over failures in past, frustrated over wrong turns I took in life, old regrets surfaced occasionally as I lived alone. I merely existed in bank. But that doesn’t mean, I was bad at work. I was quite efficient & but just did what was expected from me. Not more. Its not that I didn’t enjoy my life. I watched films, read books, tried meditation, ate good food. Yet something in me was missing. Life was insipid, tasteless and I merely existed. One fine day, something snapped. I just called it quits. Entire world dissuaded me not to, considering my age. Many of friends & colleagues felt iam crazy, total failure and some just avoided me all together. I didn’t have any job, or plan. For an year I just travelled, prepared for govt jobs etc. one fine day , I got landed in particular line of work in Govt services. It was stroke of luck & total grace. All my life I day dreamed this line of work. I used to watch those action films, read voraciously on these topics, dreamed in nights. Voila!, Now it has become reality.
As I joined the job, I realized I was the oldest guy in my batch. But I realized, I absorbed the subject like sponge and craved for more. i realized that huge heavy black cloud of regret & frustration lifted magically. In job , I felt light & energetic. I could feel energy pulsuating through. Even insignificant act appeared wonderful, if not sacred. It might appear mundane to world. But every moment became cause of joy & celebration. Results never mattered somehow as I was thoroughly enjoying the process of getting the job done. My heart became full to brim, smiles more from soul, enthusiasm naturally radiated. Somehow others felt it too. Though I was always with same face with no modification by any make up, now world felt I was attractive. This was surprise to me as well. I was learning from all other unrelated jobs & tried to inculcate in my line of work with wonderful results. I enjoyed world to extent, many qualities like jealousy , cribbing, anger, stress, need for appreciation, desire for name/fame/awards/rewards etc dropped naturally and desire to learn &, contribute more increased phenomenally. I almost stopped reading fiction books or watching films. When life& reality itself has become more exciting then why watch virtual make believe entertainments . Life went zen like mode.
I realized If you are passionate about your work, you can do the same amount of job in fraction of time. Its not how long you sit to work but how good you feel doing it. Working for 10 hours at office and carrying load mentally back home is definitely miserable way to live. When more than half of your life is spent at work place, it better be great place to be.
When you take up job that is close to your heart, its natural that you try to learn as much as you can from all quarters. More we know about our trade, more clarity on work field. More clarity leads to better decision making based on clear vision than guess work . All this end in generating more confidence in yourself. There may or may not be chances of earning more money or name or fame. But its definite that there is more calm and contentment in life.
While I say this, it doesn’t mean that things don’t go wrong. At any given point of time no human has all information to make perfect decision. Things can go wrong. Blunders and utter failures may rise. It could be painful but need not be suffering. Failing might lead to new lessons, detours and redirection of our path. More experience to arsenal of thinking. Its better fail in cause of our liking than fail in jobs based on borrowed dreams. Of course at times, things didn’t work and I had to face ire of seniors. But I never felt the hurt or embarrassment . I knew my efforts were undoubtedly 100% and took their scolding as course correction or lessons for future (at times I even jotted down) & felt I grew more wiser now. Now I began to love myself & respect myself knowing I will go to grave with no regrets.
Doing the job you are fond of is akin to floating while smelling sweet scent as against doing job which you have no desire is like dragging halfdead soul-less body by hooks painfully punctured into your skin. Quite often due to lack of enthusiasm in job gives rise to sheer wastage of huge amounts of energy putting enormous strain on physical and mental system. They are the ones who are always cranky and screaming kinds. Somewhere deep inside they are hurt and bitter. Either with life or themselves. I was there , but grace pulled me out. Perhaps I was persistent day dreamer and universe was kind to help me out. For this gift, I bow thee.