A mother who is more than a mother…
A few days back, I came to know that someone had said some rude words to my mother, whom everyone respectfully and loving calls ‘Nani’ in the ashram.
I felt sad but tried to console myself by reminding my mind of some spiritual thoughts. Reminding myself of teachings where the learned people advise us to ‘forgive and forget’.
But all this in vain. Even when I sat for meditation, without my knowledge my mind was contemplating on it. The sadness was now turning into anger. I was now thinking that this person doesn’t know who she is. He doesn’t know her family background.
I was thinking about that person, infact in my mind, I was now there in front of that person and saying things to him directly.
“She is not someone who is lying on the road. She comes from a very respectful family. Do you know that her husband was a high official as a regional manager of a renowned central government bank? Do you know that her father was a chief engineer in PWD and was a very impressive personality?”
“Do you know that all her siblings are either doctors or engineers or other government officers posted in high positions? Do you know that her sister is in charge of the cyber crime department of the police? Do you know that she has four children and all of them are well-off in their jobs and life? She is not someone who is abandoned by her children and left in an old age home.”
My heartbeats were racing by now and then I realized that I was not able to meditate at all.
I sat back and suddenly I heard the voice of my conscience, “What about you? Didn’t you break her heart many times? Didn’t you speak harsh words to her? Didn’t you take her for granted?” I was shocked at myself and the answer is proposed. Yes, I did. Many times infact.
I tried to recall all those times when I was rude to her. I recalled all those times when I saw my siblings speaking rudely and did not stand by her. I recalled all those times when I saw my father speaking harsh words. All this was not intentional.
These actions were not done out of disrespect but we all just took her for granted. We thought our words didn’t hurt her. She always loved us, forgave us, no matter how or what we said to her. She always came back to us with the same love, as if our harsh words became polite when they reached her.
I couldn’t stop my tears. She was the only person who stood by all of us in our weak times. Be it our education, our marriage, or our safety, she was always there to make sure that we take the right decisions. Sometimes I wonder how come she managed to support all the four of us so well through the lows in life?
She was the one who faced all the challenges when my father was struggling with cancer, taking care of his diet, medicines, and his personal service. It was a tough time for her. One cry of my father in pain and she used to run (literally run) to the medical store.
Never once did my mother give a cold chapati to my father (he was fond of fresh hot chapatis and would continuously eat until my mom would stop him for the sake of his health). During his disease, my father became very weak and couldn’t eat properly.
Once my father, in his frustration and helplessness of the disease, told her “Pahle jab mai roti khata tha to tum tok deti thi na, ki bus karo, dekho ab to mai kha hi nahi pata.” (Earlier you would stop me from over eating hot breads your prepared and now I myself have lost the appetite). She cried and cried. Her heart crumbled. Poor mom.
What cloth does God use to cut a mother out of? I wonder.
The anger I was struggling with washed away with this realization. In fact, it turned into thankfulness. The incident had led me to a much deeper realisation of my own and much gratitude too.
I know many who weep when their mother leaves them forever. They get this realization only when she leaves forever. Cry as you want, she will never come back. It is the only time her heart doesn’t melt for her children.
Realize this when she is with you and you can love her, you can serve her, you can give her a little happiness. Realize this; that she is the only person who can give her life and heart for the sake of her child. Realize this; that she is the only person you can trust completely. How can we ever think of getting Divine Mother’s love if we are not able to keep our own mothers happy?
I want to say sorry Ma, for all those times when I gave you pain. From the day I was born, I was the only one who was giving pain and you were the only one who was giving love. Now as you are far away from us, we realize your worth.
At the age of 65, when people are afraid of their old age, you gave up all your savings and went out to ‘discover your own truth’.
And now the pure, candid and spontaneous village girls, whom you teach stitching, give you more respect and love than we did. But I am happy and proud.
You say people in ashram give you more love and respect than we did; and I believe you Ma.
I am a proud daughter, Ma. I am more proud of you than anything in the world.