Q. How to be happy when you know, due to recent developments, your spouse doesn’t love you anymore?

Ans. Let me tell you, there’s nobody on the planet, who’s spouse loves him/her forever. (Laughter) Really! It’s an illusion even greater than Maya! (Laughter). There is this thing I once told you, in one of the retreats :

A wife said to her husband, “When we were married, you used to call me with such beautiful names – My Rabri, My Rasgulla, My Rasmalai, My Gulabjamun, but now, you don’t call me by such names! Why?”. So the husband said – “Dear crazy girl, how long can sweets made of milk stay fresh!!” (Huge Laughter).

So, a man can never love a woman the same way a woman loves a man. It’s impossible! A man would always love a woman differently. If you, as a woman, care about flowers or a bouquet on your birthday or anniversary, a man might be thinking a lot more practical, “Could I give her an electric blanket, maybe? Or maybe I could give her a toaster”, you know. That’s how it works. 

A man’s love is in his care. A woman’s care is in her love. And that’s the primary difference between the two. 

Q. I am finding it extremely difficult to get rid of lustful and egoistic thoughts. (Swamiji says – You are not alone!) I think these impressions are very deep-rooted in my psyche. I want to get rid of these from its roots. What to do? Please help me.

Ans. There are only two kinds of people : 

  1. Those who admit that they have lustful thoughts (and are innocent and pure and genuine enough to say – Look, I have these thoughts. What do I do?)
  2. Those who don’t admit that they have lustful thoughts

There is nobody who’s above these thoughts. 

न तदस्ति पृथिव्यां वा दिवि देवेषु वा पुन: |
सत्त्वं प्रकृतिजैर्मुक्तं यदेभि: स्यात्त्रिभिर्गुणै: ||

No living being on earth or the higher celestial abodes in this material realm is free from the influence of these three modes of nature.

There is nobody on the planet who’s beyond the modes of material nature – Sattva (Goodness), Rajas (Passion) and Tamas (Ignorance). 

What you can do is, if they are interfering with your work or with your consciousness, then simply “Learn to shift your attention”. But, you can’t do it for the rest of your life, by the way. But, you can practice it. “Learn to shift your attention”. If you learn to shift your attention, then what you would realise is that : “Any thought is simply a thought, whether that’s a negative thought, or a thought of ego, or whether that’s a thought of lust. It’s simply a thought. If I can shift my attention and be calm about it for a while, that thought will go away”.

Q. How to handle ourselves when pain and hurt is caused to us, without we doing anything wrong?

Ans. Generally, you feel pain and hurt more when : 

a. You “feel” you didn’t do anything wrong

or

b. You “actually” didn’t do anything wrong

But, chances of the first one are a lot higher. Most people who feel hurt, think they didn’t do anything wrong. Right? But that’s not always the truth.

If you feel hurt, then remember, people WILL hurt you. And, strangers cannot hurt you. Strangers cannot cause grief to you, only your own people can give you grief because they are the ones you are attached to/with. So, if you keep that in mind, that they are causing me grief, maybe I have some unfinished business with them, or maybe, they don’t mean it this way. Or, what can I do to be more compassionate? Or, what can I do for my own peace of mind? 

And as I said, “Learn to shift the attention of your thoughts”, and take it as a given that : Those who love you today, will hurt you tomorrow. Because, it is going to happen, without a doubt.

Even Bhagwan Ram! Think about this, “Maryaada Purushottam” (The Supreme Man of Righteousness), the one who never did anything outside Dharma, even He, hurt Sita by abandoning Her. Even God! Think about this. 

So people, maybe, don’t mean to hurt you, the thing is – “We judge ourselves always by our intentions, but, we always judge the other person based on their action, and not their intention”! We rarely even take the time to think – “Okay, what was the intention behind it?”. Maybe, they didn’t mean to do this. 

And sometimes, you just have to walk the path of Goodness. It’s not easy, but always remember : “Under any situation, under all circumstances, behave in a manner that befits you”. So, you choose your behaviour, how do YOU want to behave, regardless of how the other person’s behaving.

 

Reference : 1

 

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