It’s raining today.
The cool drops have been falling from the cloudy sky since yesterday. First slowly, as if undecided in which direction to go, then more certain, until finally they made their home here.
The Devi festival that had been going on for the past five days is finally over. It was insanity in the small village I live in. Small roads usually empty suddenly had become an amusement park packed with people coming from the nearby towns to enjoy the festivities. To be honest I only left the comfort of my small home once in the past week, because I had run out of food. Oh boy! Even walking to the nearest shop was like slaloming amongst bodies.
I am a loner. An extrovert introvert. Or the other way around. I read this definition somewhere and I thought it fit my personality, like a size 7.5 glove. I have definitely changed over time. When I was younger I loved the chaos, company of others, chewing the fat and people watching. I think I got burned out on the plane. I mean fifteen years as a flight attendant, serving humans inside a tube for ten/thirteen hours at a time, answering their questions and call buttons – I still hear the sound in my ear sometimes before going to bed, weird, huh? would do that to you. And a little side note, crew members hate that call button! If you’d like to know a little bit about the code of etiquette as a passenger I’m sharing a secret, only put your finger on that thing in case of an emergency, I mean a real one. Not to know if you’ll make your connection or if you can use the bathroom or to warm up/cool down the cabin. Believe me, your well being is our primary concern, we are getting to you. One passenger at a time. Patience.
Back on track.
The rain is still pouring and even the pups don’t feel like adventuring outside. So here I am.
I cut five Shimla mirch, a box of mushrooms, wash them and put them in a non-sticky pot, together with some tomato paste, salt and pepper. They are on the stove, simmering right now. I don’t like to cook. Growing up in Italy there were so many choices of foods, my mouth waters just thinking about them. If you’ve been there you know what I’m talking about. Rarely I had to be in the kitchen to take care of meals, life changes though and so do circumstances. A cloud of the vegetables’ flavor reaches all the way here, where I am writing. The wind out is bringing a cold breeze I was not expecting in May and I love it. I turn the heater on for a few minutes to take a bit of the chills out.
There is a sense of laziness that would like to take hold of my body and mind, and I am fighting it. Don’t go back to bed, Elena. I’d love to be in it with the books I am reading these days: Swamiji’s one of meditation together with his one on kindness and mantra. I like multireading like that. The smooth notes of Dj Taz Rashid are playing in my ear buds, feel the beat he says and I am grateful. For nothing in particular and everything in general. It took a lot for me to be where I am right now. I don’t mean just physically. I mean, taking the leap of faith and following my vision. Getting rid of all my things and coming to India because I saw I had to be there was no joke. People thought I was crazy and yet some of them are now asking me where I found the courage to do what I did. To leave it all behind and start anew. At my age. Because of my intuition, they think. Thanks to Divine Grace I say.
Yesterday I read Swamiji’s latest blog. In it there is a phrase I’d like to share with you, because it has stuck in my mind/heart since I saw it. He writes, “Either you are in or you are not. Make up your mind.” And this in a nutshell summarizes how I have dealt with my personal existence since I can remember. Doing things half/half out of fear or because what will they say or maybe it’s not right or what if has never been my thing. I’m either in it full force or not in at all. It’s that simple.
So here I am exactly where I saw myself being ten years ago. I had a vision and I followed it, because faith. No questions asked. I passed many tests, lots of tears went down my cheeks, on many occasions I sat in front of my puja asking why, banging my head (literally) on the floor, because the physical pain was less than the other one I could not define in words. All too painful, actually, to even relive those experiences on paper. And yet they were all worth it.
I’m going to leave you with the same question someone asked me a long time ago that in one instant catapulted my life, “If you were to die tomorrow, would you be where you are right now doing what you are doing?” If the answer is no, or even a wobbly yes stand up, grab your courage by the hand, be brave and go do what you know you got to do. Right now. There is no time to waste.
Thanks for reading❤️