In life, we go through several kinds of emotional experiences. Some experiences can be forgotten easily while a few make intense impressions in the mind. It may be shattered/abused childhood, broken marriage, betrayal, loss of loved one or, any other hardship which leaves deep scars on the soul and mind.

These experiences get transformed into unpleasant memories and get stored in our subconscious. We replay these memories in our heads and paint our emotional story with dark hues. These core memories gradually become part of our personality and our filters to see the world, more so, if it is related to some childhood experience. In that case, often individual considers himself/herself as a victim and it ceases all possible options to grow in life.

Then it becomes necessary to develop resilience and to gain the strength to bounce back from such adverse conditions. This happens because we think this effect is permanent and it will affect all areas of our life which may not be true. It may affect us to a certain extent for some time but the moment we become aware of the fact that whatever had happened was not in our control, we should see a silver lining in the dark clouds to find out all possibilities around us which can make life better.

 

How we can develop Resilience: My Perspective based on my experience

We are the result of two identities that make our persona; what we felt and how we interpreted that feeling in the form of a narrative. When we experience something unpleasant, we go through all emotions of fear and nervousness but what stays with us is the narrative that reverberates throughout. Thus, to come out of the pain of any adverse situation we need to retell and repaint that emotional story in our mind in a more positive way. We can’t change the experiences undergone but we can change the narrative with a more positive spin to lessen its adverse impact on our present life.

According to the experts, there are many ways to build resilience but, in my view, the most important thing to develop this mental strength is to rephrase the story which we have been telling ourselves all along to change our viewpoint on this. This is the only way to come out of the victim mindset. If we feel that we are a victim and don’t take responsibility to change our conditions, perhaps we can never come out of this mental agony.

The second most important thing is to value ourselves through self-compassion which tremendously helps in building resilience. When you think that you are an important person, if not for others but yourself, you will act like that. It comes from recognizing that our imperfections are part of being human and we are normal. We need to give the same comfort to ourselves which we give to others when they are in need.

The third thing is to never lose hope. If there is life, there is hope. Whatever the conditions today, they will definitely change tomorrow provided our efforts are right and consistent.

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VANDANA JAISWAL

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