Earlier, I’d found writing a journal very boring, but then a few months back I finally decided to do it. I have 2 diaries, one is a gratitude journal which Swamiji often talks about and the other one is a negativity journal where I vent out or note down my worries when I have no one else. It works beautifully for me and helps in self-assessing myself from time to time.
In today’s entry I have made a promise to myself which goes like:
I will get back later in life, perhaps some months or a few years later, to check if what I stressed about, what I worried about, felt guilt about, felt angry, felt wronged about or for that matter any negative emotion that may have come within me from time to time, and then, see whether those things really mattered. Till then I will Let go, follow my principles and my dharma and keep choosing best in my life.
I am practicing this and I can see many beautiful changes in me. However, today I’ve made it as a promise to self on writing. Swamiji describes very beautifully that a Bhakta will keep striving to get better and surrender the outcome of everything to Him. That’s the essence of Bhakti.
Practicing compassion to self and others, kindness in speech, thought and action and being responsible is what I felt I needed. But it is also important to remember, that the monkey(restlessness) and the elephant(dullness) always run faster than yourself until you practice on taming them and thus, meditation becomes very important (see Swami Ji’s related post here).
To learn to live life I had to live life, and to live life, I am learning to live it daily. After all, it is so dynamic and variable. And so, another thing which I am applying in my life is “Positive ego”.
I often ask myself this question that why can we not focus to feel good about ourselves for doing things that are really good for others and self and not get entrapped in comparison, pride, jealousy, insecurity or any such negative emotion.
I asked myself why I can not make and follow a goal like- “I will not get angry Or I will be compassionate to everyone for next 1 week” to start with and when that goal is achieved, it’s an achievement. Isn’t it?
Societal structure tells us to label our achievements in terms of wealth, position, power and such things. But it is much bigger an achievement if someone knows how to control or manage his or her Shadripu.
Let’s say I promise myself that I will act responsibly towards my family and loved ones, I will be loving to Myself, I will not be selfish.
When you achieve these in whatever degree, isn’t it an achievement to be proud of yourself? And does this pride hurt you or anyone? I will call it as the positive pride. So, I am trying to apply this positive ego in me and also to not feel egoistic of “I do this, I did this or I am this” at the same time.
I experience “the Eternal Lightness of Being” when I feel completely unburdened of all the past baggage. And when that happens, I feel joy, and I am able to share that joy with others. I then make them laugh, make them smile. I have felt and seen that happening to me. That is much more important than to stick to what you did wrong, what others did wrong, where you failed, where others hurt you, what you have to do etc.
I feel just being with that lightness, accepting what life is all about, letting go and doing your best with some positive ego in the world inside and outside, is a journey from the origin of lightness to a stream of positivity.