Note: This is a first person narrative series and does not make claims of any sort.
“Please see the arrangements, they are here” Said my very excited and at the same time very nervous mother. Queen Maina, was an extraordinary person. This woman had taught me impeccable manners. She had taught me how to be a Queen only to marry me off to a Yogi, as she had already stated many times now. “I know that you are his shakti in all lifetimes, but in this one you also happen to be my child” she said while crying and hugging me gently. “You know” she continued, “I always knew this day would come, right from when you were born; we knew you are no ordinary child, but still today you feel like my daughter before anything else”
I wanted to feel the pain of separation, but try as hard as I may, I could only feel the eagerness to be one with him. Nothing else was important enough. As if I was holding my breath for a million lifetimes and was desperate to let it go now. I just looked at her and smiled. While taking her hands in mine, I caressed them as softly as I could and told her that I understood her love but there was nothing I wanted more and could not be any happier. After exchanging a few more motherly sentiments she left to fulfil her duties as the bride’s mother and of course, as the Queen.
At once, it felt like the entire palace had felt silent as everyone rushed to the grounds and towers to see the groom and guests, while I, the bride was left alone. I went back to silently meditating on his name hidden in my henna, blushing and smiling to myself while the cool morning breeze kissed my cheeks lovingly. I gently lifted my gaze and saw the long-red coloured curtain dancing and flowing with the winds in all its glory enjoying the music of silence, as if celebrating my joy with me.
Suddenly, I realised that I was no longer sitting but standing. On my right, there was a life-sized mirror. On peeking I saw my own face in it, but wait! Where was I? I looked around and at once recognized the chambers. It’s the same one that I was day-dreaming about this entire time!
“Uma” A voice whispered right into my ears and I felt the most gentle-warm breath on my bare neck that made me jump around.
My voice seemed to have left my throat. Standing tall in front of me was the first Yogi in his astonishing glory. “Does it feel like a dream to you? You have been complaining all day that it’s all blurry and in pieces”. He smiled and my heart skipped many beats. I could feel the warmth spreading from my cheeks all the way down to my feet. I wanted to look at him, in fact there was nothing I wanted more than to stare at his beautiful eyes that contains the universe and beyond but I could not even dare to hold my chin up. I could feel his ever-longing gaze on me and I wanted to touch his feet and make it my altar. I wanted to rest my head on his heart and call it home. But his presence was so magnanimous that I could barely breathe.
Lovingly, he took my hands in his and made me sit. The father of the universe then sat right in front of me and touched my feet with almost reverence and love. He chuckled as I started at him in shock! “Devi, it doesn’t matter that you don’t remember all of it now. You will, with time.” He said and smiled innocently like a toddler again.
“The Queen has fainted” A shrill and shocked voice broke my trance. I looked at her with questioning eyes. Could not say anything as I still had not found my voice. “It is the most uncivilized crowd I have ever seen princess! I am shocked and scared for you as are many others”. I could feel him laughing on the prank. I chuckled too. “There is nothing to be scared about. The queen will be up soon, please tend to her” I said.
“We were one before the beginning of time Varanane, it is just a formality that you and everyone is going to witness here today. A part of the cycle of the nature. There is no two of us, there never was.” He spoke and I knew it even before he said those words. He was right, just the formality was left, I was already in his heart just like he was in my soul so much so that I did not want to feel my existence. “How is it ever going to be enough” I kept thinking to myself. A thousand lifetimes didn’t seem to be enough, even an eternity did not seem to be enough. I didn’t just want to be with him, I wanted to surrender myself to him, my flesh and mind felt like a burden.I wanted to disolve in him. It wasn’t Just love, it was nothing and everything together at once. It was devotional bliss.
I kept slipping in and out of trances for several times and witnessed all that was going down in the grounds through his eyes. The Queen mistaking Lord Vishnu for groom, then fainting on seeing my Husband. The crying and the panicking, My Father apologising for my mother’s meltdown. Finally, my husband touched my mother’s feet and apologised for showing up in a tiger skin covered in ashes. At once, he turned into the most handsome man this universe had ever seen.
To be continued…